WALKING FOR SANITY

It has been hard to start living alone just as this stay at home way of life started.  I know it has been hard for pretty much everyone.  All of us have our different dynamics, challenges and feelings.  The exception has been my youngest daughter.  She has been working non-stop in the food and beverage industry since she was in high school - she was furloughed  and has had the first break in 10 years!  But I digress.

 One of the reasons I decided on the little house I live in now is its proximity to Rancho San Rafael Regional Park.  It has a huge dog park, an Arboretum & Botanical Gardens and covers about 600 acres of space.  I have been going walking through the park several times a week all through the late winter and spring.  

It turns out Reno is really windy.  Did not know that before I moved here.  As a cyclist, I hate the wind - but as a pedestrian, it isn't all that bad. However - gale force winds gusting 30-60 mph is not conducive to a walk in the park.  As a Californian, I am geared for warm weather to start in March. It snowed and hailed and froze the water in my birdbath on June 7 here! 

When I go for a few days making excuses for not walking and then shove myself out the door I am always so happy my better nature took over and sent me out into the fresh air - be it cold and windy or scented with new blossoms.

This past week I discovered that the iris finally bloomed as did the lilacs.  There was a heavenly scent coming from the Mountain Roses. There are little cotton tailed bunnies all over the place and ducklings in a row paddling across the pond.

My sister got me started painting little rocks to be left behind when out and about, and it is always fun to see if my latest rock has been discovered and carried off.  I am no artist - the rock pictured here is my homage to Kandinsky. I made a whole series of them!

I usually walk for 30 to 60 minutes.  I go pretty early and find people are good about distancing and are still friendly.  I bring my mask but have not needed to wear it. 

I have made an effort to reverse my routes and find new paths and to climb at least 1 or 2 hills on each walk.  I don't listen to music on headphones, I listen to the birds and rushing water from the snow run off while it is still melting. I like to walk past the dog park and watch the romping pups.  I usually stop and find a bench and do a brief "meditation." Then head home again glad I made myself go.

SIX MONTHS A WIDOW

We all know time is a fickle thing - for me last month seemed to last forever, for you it might have passed in a blur. Six months ago just happened.  Six months ago seems like a lifetime past. Six months ago today was a Saturday.  It was Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day.  It was the day my husband died.

I had to look up what day of the week it was.  The 22 days living in the hospital were marked by the rhythm of shift changes.  The whiteboard laying out each day's status updates, planned meds, infusions and procedures. During the last few days spent in the ICU many of those personal connections were lost as treatment stopped and reacting to each new problem and symptom began.  In the ICU they didn't know him when he arrived 18 days earlier, weak but still himself.

Tom at the top of the "Rocky Steps" in Philly. September 2019

And now here I am.  Living alone in a little house in a new state with a fraction of my belongings collected over 37 years of living with my husband.  Each day I am reminded of things planned 

which will not happen. I open a cabinet and see his hat or the velveteen bag containing his ashes.  I usually say "Hi Tommy" and go ahead with what I was doing. I have moved from pain to wistfulness. 

I know for sure that I would be in a more positive mood today if not for the Covid 19 situation.  The classes I signed up for were cancelled, the social groups I had hoped to join have delayed events until late June or July, the gym closed.  The voids in my life I had hoped to start filling will have to wait a little longer.

I have the benefit of living in a small house with a large yard.  I don't particularly like gardening but I find myself pulling weeds, planting herb gardens, fussing over tomato plants, spreading  bark, watering, sweeping off the patio and porch.

There is a large park nearby with many walking paths and I have watched winter turn to spring as I traipse through it several times a week.  I've stopped having the TV on all the time for company.  I make lists of things to do and check them off as I complete them.  I am baking low carb cookies and cinnamon bread, grilling salmon, eating the first cherries and apricots.

My son and his wife have shared their murder mystery boxes with me following nice meals in their home.  I am in touch with all 3 children nearly every day and have Zoom gatherings with other family and former co-workers.

Alone together - isn't that the theme of the day?