I LEFT THE HOUSE

My friend Tina was very patient and invited me many times and finally coaxed me out of my house.  She made a feast and it was a beautiful day. I am so happy she didn't give up on me!

SEARCHING FOR THE BLOGABLE

I know I used to work all day and then write posts in the evenings.  Somehow I am not managing that well these days.  I realize my posts have been less topical and more me, me, me.  Sorry.

I can't quite figure out what has changed except that I am a bit more isolated from the world at large. The empty nest means I am not getting that youthful influx of music, media and angst.  Also, working with a bunch of men is much less conducive to postable topics.  I also seem to want to complain about things.  A lot. 

I'm enlisting Nancy Drew to search for  my blogging mojo and will  make it more bright side than it has been in the past many months. 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.)  So no one is in danger of same sex couples getting married in North Carolina but heterosexuals there, can still marry their cousins.

I felt pretty smug about that until I saw the map of states that allow cousins to marry and found out California is one of them. 

2.)  That study that forecasts 42% of Americans will be obese by 2030?  The data they collected is from telephone interviews.  And since they know that people are likely to underestimate their weight to a stranger on the phone?  They just bounce the findings up by a 10% margin.  Wow - there is some real hard statistical data we should use as an excuse to increase health care premiums...

3.)  I am really mad that all the news outlets are letting Mitt off the hook calling his high school vigilante actitivties against a fellow student "bullying."  Mitt committed assault and battery pure and simple and he should have been expelled and criminally charged.


4.)  Did you hear what the GOP is up to now?  House Republicans proposed major cuts to the Defense budget as part of the debt-ceiling fiasco from last summer. They didn't want the cuts, but they proposed the military reductions as a way to create an incentive for themselves to reach a bipartisan debt-reduction deal. But now they don't want to live with the deal.


Which leads to this new proposal. To offset the Pentagon cuts Republicans proposed but no longer support, the House GOP voted to find all of the savings by taking from programs that benefit struggling workers and families.   Per Rachel Maddow "Today's measure is nothing short of brutal, slashing food stamps, nearly eliminating job-training programs, eliminating health care subsidies, slashing the child tax credit, and taking school meals from 200,000 low-income children."

Can't wait to see how they pin this one on the President, the big bunch of liars.


5.)

Thank you Mr. President for finally saying it, getting it out there and helping to set the stage for the future.  It won't happen soon enough, but it will happen.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

I would like a vacation now, please.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR MOTHER'S DAY?



I know, sexist, but kinda funny, too.

 I took a few minutes to look around the internet news sites tonight while dinner was simmering.

I want to be a kind person and maintain my New Year's resolution so I will not comment on the Simpson/Johnson baby name.  I don't want to be a pushy mother so I am not forwarding to my daughter the the story on the best cities for women which show San Francisco as #2 and Philadelphia as #11 or so.  Maybe it was 9.  Whatever. It was lower than  the city close to me.

So what I will discuss?  I am not a hipster mom so I ignored the story about hipster mom gifts on etsy. How about "What moms really want for Mother's Day."  Since a year or so ago I asked for the house to be cleaned and a guy pulled up in a truck and cleaned the carpets. This should be good...

First off, the article is directed at dads.  Since my husband points out each year that I am not his mom, that is a problem for me.  When the kids were young I used to joke that Mother's Day  lasted as long as it took for me to be served lukewarm tea and cold toast and open some adorably kid wrapped gifts.  So, maybe 8:45 am? It was very efficient.

When the kids were older it usually happened later and the food was better, but the idyllic day off from all duties was never in the cards for me.  It is, however, the number one wish of polled moms.  In fact, one in 3 would just as soon not even spend the day with their family!  Women want peace and quiet and a chance to pee alone.

When asked, men rank flowers and jewelry as desired by women more than spa days, and that's a mistake.  Women prefer the pampering. Probably because there is some peace and quiet that comes along with it.

This will be my first Mother's Day as an empty nester.  Ally will be in the middle of her finals and I really don't want her to feel like she should come home.  I have always loved the cards my kids pick out and sometimes even make from scratch and the things they write.  So if anyone asks - that's what I want.

What about you mommies out there?  What will make your Mother's Day special?

GOODBYE TO HILDA

This morning I was with Hilda when she was put to sleep. I have never done that before and had no idea of what to expect of myself or of her.  I am writing about this because I want to tell what it was like for me in case someone is contemplating it and unsure what to expect.

She has been deaf for some time, increasingly blind, very stiff, with loss of control of her hind legs and sometimes her front legs, her weight has fallen quite low and she has become pretty incontinent. Mostly what is worrisome is her anxiety.  She paces and sniffs obsessively, she has been barking and howling when we aren't home.

I made the appointment with the vet to consider prescription anti-anxiety meds.  But last night it came to me that I was doing the wrong thing.  It was time to let her go, not to turn her into a little zombie. Tom and I talked a long time about it.  I called the vet this morning to tell them of the changed reason for my appointment.

I made her eggs and bacon for breakfast and, even though she didn't like it much, I brushed her before we went. She didn't even register the big dog in the waiting room with us before we went into the exam room.  today was the longest she has let me hold her in over a year.  She was very stiff in my arms, looking warily around the room.  I verified the plan with our vet, a very kind man with dachshunds, too.  He came in with the sedative and said he would be back in about 5 minutes.

The strangest thing happened then.  Hilda went from being stiff in my arms to licking my face, leaning back, leaning forward, looking at me and licking me again.  She did this over and over as I felt her body relaxing in my arms.  She looked me in the eyes again and I saw her old self, she licked my face and settled with her head on my shoulder and fell into a completely relaxed state.  It has been so long since she has slept on me that way - this dog who loved to be in the lap of anyone sitting down.  It made me smile to think of her so much like she was and I was smiling when the doctor came back into the room.

The next step was to lay her on the table and administer the drug to stop her heart, it only took the briefest of moments and I knew that I had made the right decision.  It was so peaceful. Just what a sweet little dog like her deserved.

FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.)  Just did a little chair dance with sound effects when I saw that John Irving has a new novel coming out next month.  I so love his books.  This while I have a new Ann Tyler waiting for me in my Nook.  Oh the riches of the Spring publishing season!

2.)  Speaking of Spring.  I provide this public service reminder:  When you put on that first slathering of self tanner, remember to wash well with soap.  I was very tired that evening and suffered the oddly stained hands for several days.  My legs looked pretty good, though.

3.)   Thursday was Hilda's Sweet Sixteenth birthday - it cost me $100.00.  Not because she figured out how to shop online or order Pay Per View but because she was lonely and barking and our grouchy neighbor would rather call the police than close his windows ( she is in our house with all of ours closed)
or call us on our cell phones, which we have asked him to do.  One more reason to move...

4.)  Jen on the Edge enlightened me to the eBay way to snag current styles shoes at discounted prices.  I am watching for the black and white ballet flats of my desire to drop under $80.00.  I had no idea that people had current styles on eBay -  am losing my shoppers touch!

5.)  We had such a mild winter here that I keep forgetting that it isn't even May yet.  I have gotten so many warm weather projects done already.  I refurbished my BBQ with new innards and scrubbed off the grease and crud.  I have planted a lime tree, a hibiscus and several herbs and annuals.  This weekend I hope to untarp my mosaic area and get to work making this:

Except covered with colorful tiles!

BODY, BODIES, BODS

It's one of those things women can't ever seem to get right.  Fashion dictates one thing, men desire another, surgery creates the unnatural. Medicine suggests we fit into the narrow lines of a chart, one look around the locker room tells us that isn't realistic.

This weekend I was sitting poolside with my sister and her daughter.  My sister is concerned that her daughter is too heavy.  Her daughter seems to be quite comfortable in her body.  My youngest daughter is heavier than I think she should be, too.  I struggle with talking to her about it.  What must it sound like to have an obese mom talk to you about your tummy?  I worry because I don't want her to go down my road, she worries because she is okay with how she looks - is that bad?

There are  girls trying to be super thin and also girls getting to be  fat.  The fat girls, because there are so many more of them than there were in the past, aren't getting quite as stigmatized.  They call themselves curvy which suggests they have chosen their look just as the skinny girls have.

This morning I heard about a study in the UK that 7 out of 8 women didn't feel attractive.  How sad is that?  I know that at my advance age and size I feel past being attractive, but I still have my days.  So when I think of all those young women out there not feeling pretty, it just makes me feel sad. 

There is something so wonderful about that feeling of being attractive - feeling young and alive that I still remember.  It gives a glow.  It is really about happiness.  If women are happy, it doesn't matter what their physical appearance is; how symmetrical their features, how big their bust or slim their hips. 

So that is the answer - not to take away our daughter's happiness with themselves.  Offer them the opportunities to make healthy choices and love them and nurture their happiness and beauty.

GIVING IN TO DESIRE

  I went into Marshall's last week in my quest to find some shoes to buy which will dispense with my desire for these J Crew flats which are just too expensive at $158.

I would wear them constantly. Really.



I didn't find any shoes but I did find a great purse that immediately became an object of desire.  At $130. I was equally put off.  But I just kept thinking about it. So I decided when I went back a week later for something else, if it was still there, I would buy it.



Not exactly the bag, but close. It has a couple of outside pockets and another band of white at the top.

 It was and I did. And I don't feel bad about it at all.

 I still want the shoes, though.