FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.)  I was amazed to hear a "news story" this morning on NBC which focused on the new UN Ambassador, a mother!  "Balancing diplomacy and diapers."  Geez.  Is this 1959?  Are we still talking about women as the only partner in a marriage who has to deal with being a parent AND working?
Samantha Power.  The hook was about the fact that she is also

2.)  And while I am on my "feminist" soap box.  I have been looking for a new watch since mine is turning my wrist black after 12 years of wear.  Tom sent me to a site he likes which makes high quality knock offs.  I didn't find anything I liked and probably for this reason - their description of the difference between what women and men want in a watch:

Unlike most men who go after mechanical engineering, majority of women collectors and watch lovers prefer aesthetic value and style over construction. They pine after luxury watches who embody elegance with a hint of sparkle in them. For women, classic and timeless designs are works of art that display wealth and status in life.

3.)  I went onto the website for the ACA pooled insurance plans in CA to see if we could do better than our current COBRA insurance plan.  I knew the minute I saw the first question asking for our annual income that it wouldn't be good news and it wasn't.  The very lowest cost plan was over $100 more per month and has not only a $10,000. annual deductible but requires a $60. co-pay. (My plan has a $3500. deductible and a $30. co-pay.)

I guess I hadn't realized that the insurance companies could charge based on our income rather than our needs or use of the medical care - though there were some questions along the lines of how often we go to the doctor and how many prescription we have, which I answered at the lowest level of use.

I keep hearing about people actually finding affordable care through the exchanges - so I am glad it is going to work for some people.  I had hoped that it would be a better deal than through my employer so I could give up working in the next year or so.

WOMEN AND LEADERSHIP

I have seen a couple of interviews with Sheryl Sandberg, the Facebook exec who wrote a book about women in leadership. I have also read some of the backlash and commentary about her. While I agree that a woman in her position of uber-wealth has little notion of what it is like for average families and single moms to work and raise children.

However,  I don't disagree with much of what she has to say about keeping your foot on the gas of your career right up until the time you need to slow down or stop.


I know that I have gone for decades without being able to determine what I want without a whole list of people and their wants and needs filtering my every thought. At 1 1/2 years since our youngest left for college, I am at the point of unscrambling that filter a bit.

I don't think I am alone in this. We women try to manage everything right up front, to plan and figure out how to make it work. If we are doing this in our work lives before the big issues are at hand - then we are putting the brakes on our careers based on what might be. Something men are certainly not doing and it holds women back.

I have obsessed over this issue when it comes to my daughters.  What to advise them about work and marriage and families.  My kids were grateful for my presence as an at home mom.  Personally I think it is the ideal - but I didn't have work or a career I love.  I didn't have a need to be out there to feel fulfilled.  And I certainly am not going to judge the women who do have those things.  I just don't know how they do it unless they make a lot of money, have a lot of flexibility and have a lot of help.

I have also paid dearly for not keeping a foot in the workplace for the 16 years I was home.  I have been working in low paying and unsatisfying jobs far beneath my education and training since our lives experienced an unplanned for upheaval sending me out to work again.

The big reason this whole issue is important to me really isn't the part about work/family balance.  It is the part about women having a different perspective on things which is so important to bring into corporations and government and all aspects of our society.

We have a different voice and way of looking at things which we need to inject into the decision making process if our country is ever going to move forward in a more humane and thoughtful way.  We need to encourage and teach girls how to be leaders and not hold back from taking those roles.  So I agree with Sheryl Sandberg when she says "Lean In":

"If more women lean in, we can change the power structure of our world and expand opportunities," she wrote. "Shared experience forms the basis of empathy and, in turn, can spark the institutional changes we need. More female leadership will lead to fairer treatment for all women."


I would say for all people.

ROMNEY DIDN'T SEEK OUT THE BINDERS OF WOMEN - MORE FACT CHECKING

That whole "binders full of women thing from the debate last night?  Yeah, no surprise, it wasn't exactly as Romney took credit for.  Here is the TRUTH:

The Massachusetts Government Appointments Project (MassGAP) is a non-partisan collaboration of women’s groups whose purpose is to increase the number of women appointed by the new governor to senior-level cabinet positions, agency heads and selected authorities, boards and commissions in the Commonwealth. The Massachusetts Women’s Political Caucus (MWPC) is the Lead Sponsor of this collaboration.

Our History.

In 2002 women held approximately 30% of the top high-level appointed positions in the Commonwealth, even though they compose 52% of the population. To rectify this inequity, more than 25 women’s organizations banded together to form the bi-partisan MassGAP Project for the purpose of increasing the number of women in high-ranking appointed positions in Massachusetts and achieving fairer representation of women. MassGAP sought to eliminate the difficulty that state executives say they experienced whenever they tried to find qualified women for high-ranking positions. MassGAP did this through providing names and resumes of qualified women for top appointments.

Between January 2002 and July 2004, 42% of the new gubernatorial appointments made by Governor Mitt Romney were women. Massachusetts was widely recognized for that achievement and MassGAP was given credit for it.

I strongly suspect that if it had not been for this organization, already in place and ready to make resumes available, that 42% would not have happened.

WHAT WOMEN WANT MRS. ROMNEY

This morning Ann Romney was asked point blank by a reporter about what her husband was going to do for women.  Yes, she "loves women!" but what will his administration do, specifically to help women.

Mrs. Romney said that women don't care so much about their jobs or their husband's jobs but care about the future of the country for their children.  That was her answer. 

I say - want to do something simple and specific to help future generations of women?

 How about equal pay. 

BODY, BODIES, BODS

It's one of those things women can't ever seem to get right.  Fashion dictates one thing, men desire another, surgery creates the unnatural. Medicine suggests we fit into the narrow lines of a chart, one look around the locker room tells us that isn't realistic.

This weekend I was sitting poolside with my sister and her daughter.  My sister is concerned that her daughter is too heavy.  Her daughter seems to be quite comfortable in her body.  My youngest daughter is heavier than I think she should be, too.  I struggle with talking to her about it.  What must it sound like to have an obese mom talk to you about your tummy?  I worry because I don't want her to go down my road, she worries because she is okay with how she looks - is that bad?

There are  girls trying to be super thin and also girls getting to be  fat.  The fat girls, because there are so many more of them than there were in the past, aren't getting quite as stigmatized.  They call themselves curvy which suggests they have chosen their look just as the skinny girls have.

This morning I heard about a study in the UK that 7 out of 8 women didn't feel attractive.  How sad is that?  I know that at my advance age and size I feel past being attractive, but I still have my days.  So when I think of all those young women out there not feeling pretty, it just makes me feel sad. 

There is something so wonderful about that feeling of being attractive - feeling young and alive that I still remember.  It gives a glow.  It is really about happiness.  If women are happy, it doesn't matter what their physical appearance is; how symmetrical their features, how big their bust or slim their hips. 

So that is the answer - not to take away our daughter's happiness with themselves.  Offer them the opportunities to make healthy choices and love them and nurture their happiness and beauty.

WE DON'T HATE SEX, WE JUST HATE YOUR STUPID MOVIES

Hello?  Women over 25 loved an entire series about sex.

I was reading a Forbes article titled Women Over 25 Don't Like Sex.  That premise is based on the following exchange regarding a new movie called "What's Your Number?"

In the New Yorker piece, Faris and the film’s director, Mark Mylod, watch a scene from the film. In it, Faris’s character declares that she’s a “whore,” and wants someone who will “appreciate that” about her. During a test screening, the audience laughed at the line, but the director remained wary. “Younger women lap up the nudity and sexual humor,” he was quoted as saying. “Women over 25—some are worried by it.”

What most men and Hollywood don't get about women beyond college age is this:  we do not find humor in being called derogatory names.  We do not think being called, or having your characters call themselves, whore or slut or whatever "funny" thing your writers come up with laughable. 

Unlike some of your younger, less experienced audience, we know something about discrimination and don't appreciate the efforts to keep us "in our place" by making our sexual selves the butt of the joke.  And since when do you figure we don't enjoy  nudity?  Oh, maybe because it's pretty much only there to gratify the men in the audience... 

Don't write off women over 25 as being over sex - what we are over is male oriented, juvenile and I'll use the m word, misogynistic "entertainment."

SLUT SHAMING

My son attended a wedding last week.  When he arrived a young man gave him and his male friends each a key and told them to hold on to it, that it would be used later in the wedding.  Zac and his friend, the groom,  have not been close for the past few years, in part because the fiance and her family are very religious.  His friend changed when he started attending her church and was converted to their particular Christian  sect.

He attended the wedding out of respect and to see other old friends.  He actually had a good time and was glad he went - except for a few things, one of them I will share.

During the speeches, a member of the bride's family got up and said that the groom had not been her first boyfriend, but now that she managed to get married he thinks all the guys who have keys to her apartment should come up and hand them over.  And apparently, they all did.  They got up and dropped the key they had been given into a jar placed in front of the bride at the family table.

Zac was dumbfounded at what he called the "slut shaming" aspect of this "joke."  I won't go into any of the other antics at this wedding because that is not really the point of this post.

I was taken by his term "slut shaming" and did a bit of research to see how this term is used.  I know that it was, in part the theme of a great movie called Easy A starring my favorite young actress, Emma Stone,  but what else is being said out there about this subject?

One very insightful blog called Dating While Feminist had this to say:

Slut-shaming, also known as slut-bashing, is the idea of shaming and/or attacking a woman or a girl for being sexual, having one or more sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings. Furthermore, it’s “about the implication that if a woman has sex that traditional society disapproves of, she should feel guilty and inferior.” It is damaging not only to the girls and women targeted, but to women in general an society as a whole. It should be noted that slut-shaming can occur even if the term “slut” itself is not used.

Policing women via what’s considered “normal” and “acceptable” boundaries for female sexuality is not limited to sex and sexual activity. For instance, women who wear “provocative clothing” (or just photographed while having breasts) are subjected to slut-shaming. As are women who are sexually aggressive and/or unabashedly lay claim to their own sexuality.

And when I look around me - there is so much of this going on.  I have mentioned the men who come into our bar always making remarks on the "cougars" going to the nightclub next door.  How dare those women dress up and go out looking to meet men - after all, they are not in their 20's any more which is pretty much the last time most men think women should be sexual.  Especially if they are mothers - moms are not supposed to be sexual. 

And while I am not one to ever think a woman is "asking for it" I admit that I am much more comfortable with my daughters dressing more conservatively - leaving more to the imagination, as I have said to them.  I have been uncomfortable in the presence of women dressed differently than I would.  I have considered their clothing "provocative" which is a certainly a judgement based on sexuality.  And really, so what?  If that is how she chooses to present herself, to celebrate her body why should she be judged for that?


In a Canadian court, a judge let a man off who raped a 25 year old woman because the victim and her rapist met "outside a bar under inviting circumstances."  The judge pointed out the victim and her friend were dressed in tube tops, no bras, and high heels and noted they were wearing plenty of makeup.  The judge called the man a "clumsy Don Juan" who may have misunderstood what the victim wanted.  (I am sure her struggles and crying out "no" while being raped off on the bushes was hard to decipher what with those high heels and all.)

The proliferation of gossip shows, fashion critiques, reality shows which pit women against women or set up competitions based on sex appeal have all contributed to a culture which is quick to judge others and very quick to persecute for sexuality.  This does not only apply to women.  Just think of what was done to Anthony Weiner and Bill Clinton. They certainly didn't get off with an old fashioned "boys will be boys."

That these "good Christian" folks thought it was humorous and appropriate to suggest that the bride was a slut at her wedding goes so far beyond the boundaries of good taste it sounds like something thought up by writers of tacky bromance movies.  Too bad in this case that the men attending the wedding didn't refuse to participate once they knew what the mysterious key was for.  Perhaps if they, no, if we all, could stop and think of how we would feel if these things are being directed to the women in our lives, we could all put a halt to this shameful practice.

FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.)  My mom is a lefty.  Because of this, I grew up a bit ambidextrous and mixed up.  I ironed with the board backward for years, I sew awkwardly in the wrong direction and I have always had to stop and think a moment when coming up with right or left.  It was a revelation to me when I learned righty tighty and lefty loosey just a few years ago.  It cleared up so much confusion for me! 

I've had my car with one of those electronic keys for about 5 years and only about a week ago did I realize that I don't have to look at the buttons on the key because righty locks it tight and lefty opens it loose!  My light bulb moments are getting mundane - but at least I still have them occasionally.


2.)  Thursday nights there is a big patio party with live music, multiple bars, fire pits, big screen TV and I don't know what all else at the restaurant next door to the hotel.  It draws a huge crowd every week - valet parking is necessary for the overflow parking.  The police are out in force at 10 when the music stops to pick off the drunks in their cars.  We get a lot of very tipsy people trying to come into our place for the nice bathrooms and sometimes to keep drinking after the party shuts down.

Apparently the crowd at this event is on the older side.  But I have to say - I am really tired of middle aged  men coming into our bar complaining or joking loudly about "all the cougars" next door. I find the term offensive and every one of the guys is just as old or older than any of the women I have seen coming and going.

Why do men feel entitled to younger women.  Why do they feel entitled to put down women of their age who are out there having a good time?  She we just be locked away after 35?  Am I taking this too personally?

3.)  I took Ally to see the Head & Neck doc today.  Her frequent sore throats, strep and mono have gotten to the point that she is insisting she wants her tonsils out.  The doc agreed that her tonsils were huge and it could be beneficial to have them out.

I have no problem with doing it.  I had tonsillitis repeatedly well into my 20's and never had mine out but would have liked to.  I can understand her misery and she is sick a lot.  The problem?  Her dad.  He is adamantly against any medical alterations to the body.  He didn't even like letting her get her ears pierced.

So my question is - do I go against him in this?  She will be 18 in a couple of months and can make the decision completely on her own - should we just wait?  Any input on teens getting tonsils removed?

MEN LOVE RED LIPS

There are two things I must do before I leave the house.  Put on some mascara and lipstick.  And even if the fashion is for pale lips - mine are painted shades of red.  I love bright lips and apparently, so do men.

In a recent study by Manchester University, men are most drawn to a woman's lips over any other facial features.  Dr Geoff Beattie, who led the research said   "The research suggests that red lips and perceived attractiveness are still inextricably linked, with red lipstick proving to be the most powerful attractor and significantly increasing visual fixation."


Manchester University carried out the research by tracking the eye moments of 50 men as they were presented with images of different women. The research concluded that if women wore lipstick, the men gazed at their lips for an average of seven seconds. Research further showed, he would spend just 0.95 seconds looking at their eyes and 0.85 seconds studying their hair.  Men spend 6.7 seconds of the first ten staring at women with pink lipstick, while red lips attracted 7.3 seconds of the first ten, the study found.

For all the natural beauties - when women wore no makeup, the male attention was spread more evenly among all the facial features.

My current favorite lipstick is Korres Wine Red.  Second favorite is Burt's Bees Fig.  What's yours?

FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.)  I think that it is interesting that an entire generation entered the work place with legal protections from sexual harassment on the job, primarily due to the groundbreaking efforts of Anita Hill to keep her harasser off the Supreme Court.  The Tea Party Activist wife of that man is stirring things up 19 years later looking for an apology.  Anita Hill didn't actually seek to go public with her accusations, her confidential statement to the Senate Judiciary Committee was leaked to the press which unleashed a storm of publicity, hearings and public debate.  Thomas used the race card and managed to squeak by and be affirmed to the Court, but the way that sexual discrimination was viewed from that time forward was different and we have all benefited from that.
 
Anita Hill has nothing to apologise for.  She is a hero in my book.

2.)  Have you tried to buy a pound of hamburger lately?  At least here in CA I am finding it difficult to buy just a simple pound of ground beef - the packages are always somewhere between 1 and 1 1/2 pounds.  So for a recipe which calls for a pound I either have to use more than it calls for or find something to do with this little bit of meat left.  I think I will go back to buying the frozen ground beef from Costco which comes

 in 1 pound "chubs."   I don't use it very often, but at least I will have the amount I want.

3.)  Did you hear about the next trend for Halloween "tricks"?  Scarrots!  Yes, Give a mini bag of mini carrots to the trick or treaters when they come to your door...

FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.) Ally got her driver's license this week - unlike all of her friends, she passed her test the first time out! Very proud of her; she is a good driver, very conscientious. She will be driving her dad's 15 year old BMW - very fancy compared to the Rambler station wagon I drove as a 16 year old!

2.) There is frequent discussion about the little things spouses do that drive us nuts. for some it is the toothpaste cap being left off, for others it is the clothes left on the floor. For me it has become the fact that my husband refuses to put the correct items in the correct cans for our City Recycling Program. It is turning me into a garbage picker.

3.) One of the things I have discovered during my daily crawls through craigslist looking for employment is the category called {ETC}. There are some interesting opportunities there. I have taken to signing up for consumer panels and focus groups. There are not very many of them which want women over 50. And when I am called, I find that the spaced held for that age group are few. The one I was invited to attend was very interesting and I earned $120. for about a hours time - so I continue to apply.

The reason I mention this is that I just ran across an an article which mentions a book called "Prime Time Women." It said:

Baby boomers are the largest and wealthiest demographic and at the peak of their spending power. What marketing and sales professionals might not realize is that the majority of this spending power is wielded by women ages 50–75. They are the healthiest, wealthiest, most educated, active, and influential generation of women in history.

I instinctively know this is true, yet I don't get this feeling from the entertainment media, from advertisers, from those doing the market research. I am intrigued - I am going to read this book! Maybe it will give me some ideas for my own business since there are no businesses out there interested in hiring me.

4.) Tom and I are taking our bikes over to San Francisco on Sunday. It is supposed to be a nice, sunny weekend.

ARE THERE ANY WOMEN AT APPLE?

This parady was done in 2007 on MadTV, I guess no one at Apple paid any attention because their new big product has been named the iPad.  And the jokes immediately began to fly, including:

"iPad: Proof not enough women work in the Marketing Department."

"Will the next version have wings?"

"So will the 64GB one be called the Maxi-Pad?"



"I'm holding out for the iRag."

Oh, they go on and on.

ANOTHER COMPANY I WILL BOYCOTT

The Totes/Isotoner Corp. in suburban Cincinnati has been added to the companies which I will NOT do business. This manufacturer that pitches those handy little umbrellas, gloves and slippers to women fought all the way to the Ohio Supreme Court against a woman they fired for pumping breast milk for her 5 month old child at the point in time that her breasts were engorged, rather than on her scheduled break an hour later.

LaNisa Allen waited the five hours to pump for some time, even though she was uncomfortable and her milk was beginning to decrease in volume due to the delay. When she observed other employees taking bathroom and smoke breaks outside the designated break schedule, she decided she would pump when she needed to and take her break early. She made sure she was covered and went to the bathroom to pump. Her supervisor came into the bathroom, discovered her there and she was fired later that day.

The Totes company did not accept the premise that breastfeeding was a pregnancy or gender right under the law. The Ohio courts agree:

Allen gave birth over five months prior to her termination from [Isotoner]. Pregnant [women] who give birth and choose not to breastfeed or pump their breasts do not continue to lactate for five months. Thus, Allen's condition of lactating was not a condition relating to pregnancy but rather a condition related to breastfeeding. Breastfeeding discrimination does not constitute gender discrimination.

Bottom line for me is not that the Ohio courts and legislature are behind the times (more than half the states in the country protect a woman's right to breastfeed during work hours.) It is that Totes/Isotoner, a company which markets it products to women, would be so dispassionate about the needs of their female employee that they would spend the hundreds of thousands of dollars it cost them to take this case on.

Will the company come tumbling down if the break schedule is adjusted to the needs of a new mother.? Will chaos ensue? Corporations can and do survive with respectful, moral and common sense human resource policies. I prefer to give my business to those companies.

MY POSTER GIRLS

At the Women's Colony there is the occasional posting of Secret Girlfriends to counter or accompany the Secret Boyfriend posts. I have women I have admired throughout my life. But my interest in these women has mostly to do with their bodies. So I will call them my Poster Girls.

This started when I was a young teen and watching the movie "How to Marry a Millionaire". I told my mom I wanted to look like Lauren Bacall. She was tall, elegant and sophisticated. Mom told me I was never going to look like that - I was more the Marilyn Monroe type, which wasn't a bad thing since men seemed to like the way she looked!

I never got over my admiration for the tall and elegant - and I have lived much of my life as a curvy woman of average height.

In my 20's I started working out. I was an early adopter of weight training due to bad knees which didn't allow me to run, the need to burn calories and the obsession of the guy who ran the gym with a certain woman weight lifter named Lisa Lyon. He was certain he could help me get my thighs to look like "tight little sausages" like hers. This poster was on the wall at the gym. And on my wall at home.

I was not so certain my thighs would ever meet that expectation, but I loved that she had such a big round bottom and was proud enough of it to bare it! Ladies, this was in 1978, long before J Lo and Beyonce and the cult of the booty.

All that was half a life ago. Now I am about as round as I am tall and I must do something about it. So my new poster girl will be Helen Mirren.

HOT OR NOT

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