THINGS I'VE LEARNED ABOUT FINANCES AS A WIDOW

I spend several mornings each week dealing with the many loose ends following the death of my spouse.  I know that much of what I am dealing with is due to the fact that many things were managed by my husband and left in disarray (because his death was completely unexpected) and others that I was not privy to due to his business and his desire to "shield me" from the reality of our financial situation.
In any case, if it is helpful at all for recently widowed women who find this post, I am going to set out a few things I have learned.

1.  Everyone says you need a lot of certified death certificates.  Frequently mentioned is to get at least a dozen of them.  Because of my husband's business - I got about 20 of them. Turns out this is one of the few areas where modern technology has changed the rules.  Many places were just fine with a scanned and emailed copy.  Some copied the original I brought in person and gave it back.  In fact, many requested that the Social Security number be blocked out for liability and privacy concerns.

I suggest starting with half a dozen and then order more if needed.  As they cost about $23.00  per copy - it makes no sense to have any extras sitting in a file - like I have.

2.   My husband was self employed.  I worked so we had healthcare benefits.  I didn't make a lot of money, but enough that it had an effect come tax time.  We changed my  401k  contribution to try to ease that - so 40% of my pay went into that account pre-tax.  Since here was a matching element - it grew fairly fast.  He asked me to take a large distribution shortly before he died.

The distribution he had me take was intended to go into a new retirement account he had opened -  a SEP IRA.  He made an issue of letting me know how I could access the account - however, either he didn't know or didn't consider the consequences if he died and we did not go through probate.  Under those conditions, I have no claim or access to the funds - at least per Vanguard Brokerage Services.  There is only a few hundred dollars in the account that they won't pay out to me for whatever arcane rules they get to hide behind.  (Unless I spend more money than is in the account to provide legal documents that satisfy "the rules".)

So the large sum I had just taken out of my 401k to be deposited into that account remained in my hands because he became ill before the transfer could be made.  The sole saving grace I managed out of the mess of finances I inherited.

The lesson?  Learn more about the various kinds of accounts there are and question the rules around them.  I did that when he became eligible for his pension.  He had planned to defer it until he was 70 because the value was so much higher.  I questioned what the rules were if something should happen to him before that milestone - and we learned I would end up with a tiny fraction of the amount as his widow.  We changed the option and he began taking the pension at 65.  Thank goodness I questioned it - wish I had done the same on the SEP IRA!!

3.  Credit cards - sigh.  

In the weeks following his death, each creditor received a phone call requesting the cancellation of the account and any auto payments.  That was followed by a notification letter and a death certificate.  AmEx kept calling and sending letters seeking probate information - we did not go through probate.

Apparently, even though I didn't sign anything, receive or use a card, a couple of the accounts somehow have my name attached to them.  The law is pretty vague on this especially in community property states. 

I would not be liable for the accounts he opened specifically for his business.  He was a solo practitioner and never filed as a corporation - so the accounts can be considered personal.  The credit companies can come after me to pay that debt.  How hard they will come at me remains to be seen.  I was advised to give out no information to anyone who contacts me from the companies or from third party entities.  I no longer answer calls from unknown numbers.

The good news as of now -  the companies he had personal loans with have not come to me for payment.  They seem to be less aggressive about repayment.

I did hear from the bank for my personal credit cards that they are reducing my credit limits by half.  The credit reporting companies are definitely tagging me with his outstanding debts.  I realize it is early days and this is probably far from over, I keep my personal cards and auto loans paid up and hope eventually my credit rating will improve.

4.  With the pandemic, the IRS is backed up.  It does appear that the very expensive tax attorneys I hired are working some magic on the issues of back taxes, payment plans, liens, etc.  Should know soon.  The State of California - not so much - they want payment in full and it is a doozy - wouldn't you know he had a very good income last year.  They are giving me five years to pay off the 2019 taxes.

5.   Bottom line - if you are facing big tax and credit issues - I would advise that the expense of hiring professional help is worth it.  Not those credit fix companies!!  Law Firms or  CPA firms which specialize in these issues.  Call and talk to multiple people until you feel a good fit and communication style.  I had some pretty insulting and negative conversations until I found the great people I am working with.

6.  Remember that this will all settle out.  It may take time and more money that you don't really have to spend to help resolve it - but it will be resolved over time.  This is one area I think it is best to let time pass before making any decisions. The pressure is enormous to just make it go away - resist that urge and take your time.  

SAD SHOPPING

 They say never grocery shop when you are hungry.  I have learned it is very expensive to grocery shop when you are feeling sad.

When I feel sorry for myself I spend $153.00 on things like:

1. Pate (2 kinds)
2. A nicely shaped pot I can put mosaic tile on even though I have 3 at home waiting to be similarly  adorned.
3.  Four sweet indulgences which I hope will last 2 weeks until I shop again - they won't.
4. Shrimp - because no shrimp packing plants are under siege - yet.
5. Three kinds of cheese even though I already have 2 kinds in the frig.
6. A $2.00 avocado - which will never be worth what I spent. 
7. Three kinds of berries not on mark down. 
8. Green onions to replace the 2 slimy bags of green onions I removed from the frig.

I also bought some ground lamb and chicken - because meat packing plants. Four greeting cards which I need to swear off because they are ridiculously expensive. I have been saying that for about 2 years now, it is an addiction.

I couldn't buy any Lipton Tea and a few other things on my actual list.  There were many more empty shelves throughout the store than I have seen before.  My cupboards and refrigerator are full - no more shopping just for something to do. 

Except for plants at the nursery...

ECONOMIC REALITIES

I am busy enough with work and all that I am not reading and watching as much about the economy and politics and such.  I did read an article by my favorite economist (because he is straight talking and wise) Robert Reich. 

He discussed the painfully obvious fact that our economy, which has for many, many years now been shifted to rely on spending by the middle class for goods and services for it's health; will not be able to recover as long as the middle class is being squeezed out of the earning end of the deal.

Duh. 

The thing I realized, too?  I has been a really long time since we have had much spending money.  And our income is somewhat above the middle class range.  It isn't just putting kids through college that has bogged us down, the incredibly high cost of health insurance has been draining. 

We don't have car payments; two of our vehicles are over 15 years old and we bought our "new" car 5 years ago. We don't own our home and the last vacation we took was in 2008. We don't have a flat screen TV or iPhones.  Our biggest purchase in the past 4 years was a new mattress.  I'd like to get the dental crown I broke a year or so ago replaced, but I can't afford it unless I put it on a credit card.


Economist Gary Burtless of Brookings Institution indicates that the middle class encompasses from one-half the median income to twice the median income. This would make the middle class income range $25,117 to $100,466. MIT economist Frank Levy believes that those in the middle class have enough money to afford the basic building blocks of a good life, including a house, a car and money to pay necessary bills. He suggests that families in their prime earning years are middle class if they fall between $30,000 and $90,000.

So while it may sound like I am whining - I really don't mean it that way.  I just think that there are so many of us flying under the radar of the politicians and economists that are not part of the discussion.  People who are educated, have worked hard, had some financial success and security and now it is gone and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight - and no plan that will change things for us any time soon.

 I know we are lucky to have had those years of relative financial success.  We have had some nice homes and furnished them well and reaped the rewards of their increased value.  We never managed to take the kids to Hawaii, but we had some great shorter trips to Disneyland and Tahoe.  If they needed braces, they had them, if we wanted to go out to dinner, we did. There was summer camp, swim lessons,  roller blades and bikes.  We had cars available for their use and we paid for sports and school activities, prom dresses and tux rentals.

Many of our financial stresses came from Tom pursuing his dream of a law practice - not many people can do the work they choose.  And I had 16 years home with the kids - I would never have chosen to miss that.

So while the unexpected economic shut down has made things more of a challenge that we expected, we are hanging in there and looking for those in the know to set this country back on the rails. I don't want to be the generation that made it impossible for my kids to live at least as well as we have.

CAN ELECTIONS BE BOUGHT?

It sure seems more clear than ever that bombarding people with misinformation and distorted reality can turn them away from common sense and even their own experience.  Brainwashing, if you will.  And having a whole lot of money available to put that message into constant rotation on TV and in other high visibility places means that your message becomes their belief.

In Wisconsin, Scott Walker held on to his office - he outspent Democrat Tom Barrett by more than 7-to-1. And that doesn't take into account the tens of millions of dollars that Republican Super PACs poured into the state - estimated at between $75 and $80 million.


The Tea Partiers and the GOP think it was a great victory.  I think it is just sad that more people can't see what is happening, stand up to it and get educated about the issues on their own.

IS THE 99% THE UNINVOLVED MAJORITY?

One of the things that really bothers me about today's journalism is the lack of relevant facts in the name of making a story, what?  Palatable, punchy, easy on the brain? 

Regarding a study of the differences in politics of the 1% and the 99% authored by the political scientists Benjamin Page, Fay Lomax Cook, and Rachel Moskowitz and recently released by the Russell Sage Foundation, found that the politics of the very wealthy are strikingly different.

Wealthy Americans are far more active in politics than less affluent citizens. Nearly all respondents said they voted in the 2008 elections; half of the respondents said they had contacted at least one type of government official in the past year; 41% reported attending a campaign speech or event and 68% said they donated to a political cause or campaign in the past four years. Roughly one of five respondents said they "bundled" contributions from other people for a party or political cause; on average, respondents reported giving $4,633 to political campaigns and organizations in the past year.



Lets look at 41 percent of the very wealthy reported attending a political meeting.  Only 9 percent of Americans did so in 2008.  But no definition of a political meeting is included.  So my cynical mind says "Well of course!  The 1% can afford those gazillion dollar a plate dinners."

The thing I like about reading news on the internet is that a little thought and a few clicks and you can usually find out what the story leaves out.  Turns out the study considered attending a campaign speech or event as attending a political meeting. So that rally at the fairgrounds would count as much as a fund raising dinner. 

I would still argue that rich folks have better attendance because they can afford travel to attend events held far from their residence; but I also admit that I didn't go to see McCain when he was in town during the last election.  Actually, I didn't even know he was here, so the word must have been spread through GOP channels only.  Guess they wanted to limit the hecklers. Would I have gone if I known about it and  free tickets were available and I was free that day?  Probably not.  but I have attended  "meet and greets" of local and state candidates.

But really, how accessible are most political events for the average Americans?  And is it getting harder to actually see a political candidate in person without some sort of group affiliation?  Do you accept the concept of saying the 1% is more involved in politics and so have earned the right to have more say?

FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.)  I love bananas when they are green and firm.  I only buy a couple at a time so I can eat them before they ripen and get soft.  Lately I have bought bananas that are green and when I peel them I find that they are soft/ripe.  And I have noticed that they just stay green and don't turn yellow.  Are they messing with bananas?  Do I sound like Andy Rooney?

2.)  At last it seems that President Obama is ready to stand up to the GOP and the media  and tell some truth about "bi-partisan" crap.  The Beltway media elite as well as the Tea Partiers an others have pushed the story line that if the president can’t get GOP cooperation, it’s somehow his fault.

In his press conference this week President Obama said:


I’m also dealing with a Republican Majority Leader who said that his number-one goal was to beat me — not put Americans back to work, not grow the economy, not help small businesses expand, but to defeat me. And he’s been saying that now for a couple of years. So, yes, I’ve got to go out and enlist the American people to see if maybe he’ll listen to them if he’s not listening to me.


I am sure that the 99% protests have finally given him a clue that the people are fed up and it is time to come to us instead of pandering to the Republicans!!

3.)  Just a quick episode of my series:  View From The Front Desk.

If your book club, knitting group or business colleagues decide to meet in a bar, like one in a hotel lobby, please keep in mind that you are taking up space and spending time in a place of business.  A place where the bartender earns tips for his or her service.  Walking up to the bar to order your drink does not relieve you of the social norm of tipping. 

Sitting in a large, loud group for a couple of hours requires employees to deal with the noise and then clean up after you, so please don't complain loudly about how much we charge for coffee.  You have already taken advantage of our complimentary popcorn, peanuts, cookies and candy jar!  Not to mention our nice ambiance and WiFi.

MORE JOB CONUMDRUMS

I am pretty sure that I related here that when the long awaited benefits package kicked in it eviscerated my paycheck.  It was such a shock to see what little remained that I actually felt dizzy when I saw the pay stub.  I got depressed but Tom got mad and insisted that I start looking for a better paying job.

Having just spent over a year to get this job with benefits - I was not thrilled with that challenge.  For those who may not follow the travails of job hunting, there are many.  A new trend is to only hire those who are already employed.  The thinking is that those who are unemployed, especially for any length of time, are defective and not the "top performers" companies want to add to their staff.  This approach also leaves more older workers hung out to dry as many companies laid-off the older, experienced, higher paid workers - not just under performers...

The businesses less picky about the employment status of those they hire make up the 76% of the new jobs generated in 2010.  Those jobs are of the low-paying variety, offering between $9 to $15 an hour. Some people can get by quite handily on $9 or so an hour -- especially if they're willing to live outdoors or on a friend's couch according to Barbara Ehrenreich in an article on CNN.

I can live in a nice little rental house (because of my husband's income) but when it comes to expenses beyond gas, groceries and utilities - there just isn't anything left.  So my employment is not contributing to the growth of our economy and neither will the other 76% of "new job" holders.

But I digress...

I did start applying for new jobs and it fairly quick order I got a call for an interview.  The job was for "Receptionist/Staffing Trainee/Business Development for a staffing agency.  The multiple interviews went well, they wanted to hire me as a temp to see if I would be a good fit for the job on a permanent basis.  They offered no benefits and $13.00 per hour. I was seriously thinking about taking it because of the improved opportunity for wage increases and now that I had benefits, I could use the COBRA coverage going forward.

I ended up telling them at the hotel about this new possibility - in part because someone gave notice and in part to see if they might improve my position to retain me.  Ultimately they did and I am staying put.  The other position seemed too iffy, even though I am sure I would have been able to handle the work,  after being let go from the vet job I was worried that there might be one of those "fit" issues and there I'd be without any job. 

I had a real heart to heart talk with the General Manager of the hotel and while she agreed that they don't pay a "living wage."  The people who own the hotel have refused to increase wages (for over 3 years) or to cover more of the insurance costs.  She said they don't like having employees.  So, they have a lovely hotel full of really hard working and loyal employees but because they would rather not have to deal with employees - these very wealthy people just refuse to acknowledge how much they contribute to their financial success. 

I am lucky to have a job with hours that gives me free time during the day. I am happy that they wanted to retain me and made the effort to increase my salary.  I work hard and thoughtfully and will until I move on to another job - one, I hope, that pays me what I am worth.

FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.)  Had a review and got a nice raise at the hotel.  Very helpful at this time -well, any  time. That plus switching to Monday through Friday is going to be very nice. 

2.)  Got our check-in time for Ally's tonsillectomy - I'll manage about 4 hours of sleep before we have to leave to drive there, but I will have 6-8 hours to chill until we head home.  Hopefully I can find a spot to snooze a bit. (I promised her I would not leave the hospital.)

UPDATE:  Everything went well - Ally is recovering at home with Mango Sorbet, Jello and Vitamin Water.
3.)  I have been reading about the big stock market fall trying to understand why it happened after the agreement on the debt ceiling and assorted fiascoes.  One pundit said it had to do with investors suddenly looking at the problems in foreign markets, most said we were just due.  I have to admit that as someone who has no money to invest and no 401k taking a beating, I feel lucky to be broke!  I also read that interest rates will fall because of this - which is good for people in debt, who want to borrow money or get a better mortgage.  So, good news for a change!

4.)  Jen wrote a fun post about mascara yesterday, discussing products and technique.  Like her I don't leave the house without mascara.  But the extent of my completely made-up face includes not much else - eyebrow pencil, blush and sometimes some eye shadow.  Most of the eye shadows are from giveaways.

I just read  a British study claiming 57% of women would rather "leave their man" than give up make-up!  That's hard core make-up love (or is it insecurity?)  The study claims that the average woman has over $800.00 worth of make-up at home and another $100.00  in her purse.  I have a couple of Burt's Bees lip glosses in my purse... 

5.)  I am enjoying this summer with my TIVO.  I have So You Think You Can Dance winding down, but Project Runway just getting started.  Breaking Bad is back and so are Weeds and The Big C.  Just enough shows to watch here and there.