UNEXPECTED SUMMER DAYS

 Last night I could see the stars again!  We had a cool wind blow through from the east and the smoke has cleared.  So wonderful to see the stars at night and our deep blue sky all day.  We have just this short break then the smoke is supposed to get to dangerous levels by the weekend.

In my last post - sorry for the dark mood - I failed to mention some nice things that have happened this summer.  I keep hearing how disappointed people are about all the summer festivals and events being cancelled.  But here in NV we have had some things opened back up for a while.  With strict guidelines restaurants (not bars) and most other businesses are open.  You can't try on clothes or sit at a bar and masks are required everywhere.  The good thing is that people here, for the most part, are following the rules.  

There are those stupid, selfish people out there pulling their mask down once inside - my DIL has had confrontations with them.  She is an oncology nurse and has already been exposed twice and had to quarantine and be tested.

My sister who calls herself walking co-morbidity was threatened by a man with a gun in the Spokane Washington Costco when she asked him not to stand so close since he wasn't wearing his mask.  She has barely gone out at all in 6 months and that is why.

Anyway - for those of us being vary careful but wanting some bits and pieces of normal life - Reno is doing okay. Week to week I stick to the same 3 or 4 shopping and walking locations and resist spreading my outings into too many uncharted spaces.  I did go to a craft store when I completed a needlepoint and wanted to finish it as a pillow.  I also went to Home Depot and a local nursery a number of times.  

But when the "Women of a Certain Age" social group I had joined right before the shut down resumed some activities, I jumped right in.  We keep outings to 6 people and stick to the same places that have hosted us for years.  We are known and therefore well looked after.  This group has had a lot to do with saving my sanity the last couple of months.  I made sure to exchange phone numbers with a couple of the people I felt might become friends and have gone on walks and even to a museum! 

The biggest, risk I have taken this summer was two trips to Idaho.  The first time I drove to visit my elderly parents.  They were going stir crazy in their tiny apartment in a seniors community and wanted a brief getaway.  They had reservations at a condo in a small resort town so I took them there for 3 days.  They don't get around very easily, so we mostly ate in and drove around looking at the sights from the car.  People there were great about mask wearing so our 2 ventures to eat out felt safe.  We all quarantined before and after the trip - and made it through safely.

Then my sister up in northern Idaho invited me to visit - mountains, lake view,

boat and keeping company with my sister was just what I had hoped summers might be like in retirement. I agonized over how to get there - drive alone for 2 days each way, staying in motels and getting food on the road?  Or fly there and back?  Every single flight included plane changes - so in and out of multiple airports on planes with people from all over?   The worst part was most flights are routed through Las Vegas which is the Nevada cesspool of Corona. My sister easily agreed to get up at 3 am to get me to the airport for my return flight via Oakland.

I wore goggles and wiped everything in reach, wore my best mask, kept my distance from others, stayed in well ventilated areas and didn't purchase food during my layovers. I kept the overhead fan on and took a window seat - all per recommendations from medical experts.  It went fine - had a really nice visit, took walks, went out on the boat one day, hung around the house learning mah jong, started a mosaic tabletop, and talked and talked.  I know there are a lot of people being very judgy about others taking "unessential" trips.  Part of me agrees - on the other hand, we still have to live our lives and make the best decisions for our mental and physical health.  

Next year I hope to be invited back, make a real road trip if the drive, bring my bike and be able to treat my hosts to a nice dinner out.  Here's to a great summer of 2021!

SUMMER OF 2020 COMING TO AN END

 Outside it is 96 degrees  the sky is a smoky gray that will turn orange when the sun begins to set.  We've had only a few days in the past month that being outside didn't leave you with smoke smelling hair and stinging eyes.

Currently the fires are in California but we have had a few big ones here in Nevada. The afternoon winds I used to complain about are not happening much, so the air just sits still, hot and thick.  If it weren't for the fact that so many people are being displaced and losing everything I would complain bitterly about this new pile-on to the pain of 2020.  But I just look forward to the very early mornings when the air is cooler and if I walk through the thick greenery of the Arboretum, the smoke doesn't sting so much.

The calendar says Fall starts in 2 weeks. I am not sure I am ready to give up on summer - the months of construction noise, dust and inconvenience on our street had finally come to an end right about the time the wildfire smoke descended.  While I enjoyed the effort of planting things and making the yard a bit nicer, the heat, noise and smoke reduced the pleasure.

As a newly retired person and on my own for the first time in 37 years -  it's all a big adjustment.  Having Covid-19 crush most normal life and cancel all the researched, well planned and hope filled ideas I had in place to start my life in a new place left a lot of hours to fill and not much to fill them with.

My routine has been to go walking at 8 then do errands or just head home to water and tend to my plants and stuff.  I take my protein drink outside with my book and enjoy the outdoors before it gets too hot - usually by 10 or 11 I am inside again.  

I have discovered these online surveys that "pay" in gift cards.  They get redundant but it is something to fill time and knocks down my Amazon habit.  (I generally have 5 books lined up to read on my Kindle.)  I also subscribed to the NY Times online.  Sooo much content!  

My son figured out why I couldn't watch stuff on my streaming channels and fixed it so I have been watching more movies and documentaries and less news.  I managed to make it through the two "conventions" but my mood has gone decidedly downhill in their aftermath.  

Some days I see that my easygoing, do whatever I feel like doing life is something others envy - even under these limiting circumstances.   I have enjoyed many of my days meandering through the hours.  I am now thinking I need to do some work - on myself.  I need to figure out my new life, my purpose,  my roles.  

Not sure how to go about it, though.  Any suggestions?

THINGS I'VE LEARNED ABOUT FINANCES AS A WIDOW

I spend several mornings each week dealing with the many loose ends following the death of my spouse.  I know that much of what I am dealing with is due to the fact that many things were managed by my husband and left in disarray (because his death was completely unexpected) and others that I was not privy to due to his business and his desire to "shield me" from the reality of our financial situation.
In any case, if it is helpful at all for recently widowed women who find this post, I am going to set out a few things I have learned.

1.  Everyone says you need a lot of certified death certificates.  Frequently mentioned is to get at least a dozen of them.  Because of my husband's business - I got about 20 of them. Turns out this is one of the few areas where modern technology has changed the rules.  Many places were just fine with a scanned and emailed copy.  Some copied the original I brought in person and gave it back.  In fact, many requested that the Social Security number be blocked out for liability and privacy concerns.

I suggest starting with half a dozen and then order more if needed.  As they cost about $23.00  per copy - it makes no sense to have any extras sitting in a file - like I have.

2.   My husband was self employed.  I worked so we had healthcare benefits.  I didn't make a lot of money, but enough that it had an effect come tax time.  We changed my  401k  contribution to try to ease that - so 40% of my pay went into that account pre-tax.  Since here was a matching element - it grew fairly fast.  He asked me to take a large distribution shortly before he died.

The distribution he had me take was intended to go into a new retirement account he had opened -  a SEP IRA.  He made an issue of letting me know how I could access the account - however, either he didn't know or didn't consider the consequences if he died and we did not go through probate.  Under those conditions, I have no claim or access to the funds - at least per Vanguard Brokerage Services.  There is only a few hundred dollars in the account that they won't pay out to me for whatever arcane rules they get to hide behind.  (Unless I spend more money than is in the account to provide legal documents that satisfy "the rules".)

So the large sum I had just taken out of my 401k to be deposited into that account remained in my hands because he became ill before the transfer could be made.  The sole saving grace I managed out of the mess of finances I inherited.

The lesson?  Learn more about the various kinds of accounts there are and question the rules around them.  I did that when he became eligible for his pension.  He had planned to defer it until he was 70 because the value was so much higher.  I questioned what the rules were if something should happen to him before that milestone - and we learned I would end up with a tiny fraction of the amount as his widow.  We changed the option and he began taking the pension at 65.  Thank goodness I questioned it - wish I had done the same on the SEP IRA!!

3.  Credit cards - sigh.  

In the weeks following his death, each creditor received a phone call requesting the cancellation of the account and any auto payments.  That was followed by a notification letter and a death certificate.  AmEx kept calling and sending letters seeking probate information - we did not go through probate.

Apparently, even though I didn't sign anything, receive or use a card, a couple of the accounts somehow have my name attached to them.  The law is pretty vague on this especially in community property states. 

I would not be liable for the accounts he opened specifically for his business.  He was a solo practitioner and never filed as a corporation - so the accounts can be considered personal.  The credit companies can come after me to pay that debt.  How hard they will come at me remains to be seen.  I was advised to give out no information to anyone who contacts me from the companies or from third party entities.  I no longer answer calls from unknown numbers.

The good news as of now -  the companies he had personal loans with have not come to me for payment.  They seem to be less aggressive about repayment.

I did hear from the bank for my personal credit cards that they are reducing my credit limits by half.  The credit reporting companies are definitely tagging me with his outstanding debts.  I realize it is early days and this is probably far from over, I keep my personal cards and auto loans paid up and hope eventually my credit rating will improve.

4.  With the pandemic, the IRS is backed up.  It does appear that the very expensive tax attorneys I hired are working some magic on the issues of back taxes, payment plans, liens, etc.  Should know soon.  The State of California - not so much - they want payment in full and it is a doozy - wouldn't you know he had a very good income last year.  They are giving me five years to pay off the 2019 taxes.

5.   Bottom line - if you are facing big tax and credit issues - I would advise that the expense of hiring professional help is worth it.  Not those credit fix companies!!  Law Firms or  CPA firms which specialize in these issues.  Call and talk to multiple people until you feel a good fit and communication style.  I had some pretty insulting and negative conversations until I found the great people I am working with.

6.  Remember that this will all settle out.  It may take time and more money that you don't really have to spend to help resolve it - but it will be resolved over time.  This is one area I think it is best to let time pass before making any decisions. The pressure is enormous to just make it go away - resist that urge and take your time.  

I'M STILL MRS. BRIGHTSIDE

The last time I posted I was getting back into the swing of things after getting 2 new knees.  For the record, that has continued to be a great improvement in my life.  My husband Tom and I increased our mileage on our bikes and though I never managed to become a great hill climber - with the addition of an electric wheel on one of my bikes, we joined a biking group and took many wonderful rides.

So what brings me back to writing here? I always thought I'd get back to writing when I  stopped working full time - but my life has taken a wholly unexpected turn. I was trying to figure out how to update my profile with my new information. (Still can't figure out how.)  I considered starting a whole new blog.  Anyway...

We had just moved into a different house, both of us were exhausted from the effort. That Tom was tired and sore was a surprise because he's in such great shape, but not too worrisome - after all we are in our mid-sixties.

A couple of weeks later, on the last day of my job, my husband called an ambulance and got himself to the ER.  I left my retirement party and by the time I got to the hospital, the blood draw they had done was already conclusive that he had leukemia - so acute that they were pretty stunned he'd been upright for the past few days.

 Long story short - he was transferred to a hospital in Oakland where they specialized in treating AML. He started chemo a couple of days later.   It was 22 days from the diagnosis to the day we let him go due to multiple organ failure.  The chemo had worked, but his body was not up to the side effects.

I will save many of the stories and information I learned for future posts. Pretty much living in the hospital for 3 weeks, gathering, dispersing and then gathering the family again,  working with the doctors, nurses and Palliative Care team was all consuming in addition to his needs and demands and frustrations.  In many ways I shut down my emotions and here I am three months later and only now just starting to get my feelings back.  And I will tell you - they are a real mixed bag.

I will be writing with some frequency to express my feelings, thoughts and experience on this most unexpected turn in my life.

IT'S FINANCIAL AID SEASON

I am happy to announce that I have done the first run at our taxes, which allowed me to do the first run at the FAFSA's (one for each college kid) which allowed me to fill out 2 more sets of financial aid packets for Penn. I can't complain too much about Penn double and triple checking since they have been generous with grant money. But telling them we have no family trust fund or real estate assets or stock portfolio year after year makes me feel like such a loser. On the other hand, Zac's school thinks we are rich and doesn't even offer him a work study job.

I am half blind and getting sciatica from sitting at the computer...but it is almost done and next year I will only have 1 FAFSA to do for Zac since he will not be able to graduate in 4 years.

Then the year after that I expect I'll get back to 2 sets since Maggie will probably go to grad school and Zac will be working on his credential program and then - ta da - Ally will be an entering freshman and I will quite possibly have to do 3 sets of financial aid forms.

It will all be worth it when they have great jobs and put me in a very comfortable retirement home. Right?