ALL THIS AND ISOLATION, TOO

Three weeks after I moved to another city in another state to escape the high prices of the SF Bay Area and to be near my son and his wife in Nevada - the stay at home orders came out.  I had managed to get really well settled into my little house and was looking forward to being out and about  - getting to know the area and to start finding ways to meet people.

 I had signed up for a couple of classes and was researching bike and social groups.   I had visited several gyms and chose one to join.  I got all signed up with a local doctor.  I completed the process to get a new drivers license and register my car.  I was all revved up to get out there and start a routine and meet people and fill my no longer work and husband filled time. 

It all came to a screeching halt.  For good reason - I am not arguing that at all.  I don't have health issues, but I am of the age group that is at risk.  The last thing I would want is to do something reckless and cause others to get sick or require care for myself.

It just seems to me when I think back over the last 6 months that this is personal.  Which is crazy, I know that.  It just seems like the universe is really piling it on considering all the drama and problems and issues and frustrations I have had to work through beginning with my husbands diagnosis and continuing to this day.  The number of hours invested in dealing with the fall out from his death, including identity theft, tax and financial issues, settlements from the moving company and disbursement of funds from accounts and even just trying to get mail delivered to the correct address. It seems endless and I have such empathy for anyone having to go through all of it. 

I am glad I was not working and able to be with my husband every one of his last days.  I have the time and the capacity to deal with all of the challenges I am facing. I can afford my little house in my new city and my car payment and groceries and the things I need.  I am near my son and my daughters who live across the country check in pretty much every day.  This will pass - at some point I'll do all the things I was looking forward to.

 Right now I am a bit too steeped in being alone and all the platitudes are getting annoying.  But in writing this I also feel annoyed by my own complaints.  So I am just going to knock it off and make a list of things to do for the rest of this week - and then the next one and just stay busy and active and stop whining.

I'M STILL MRS. BRIGHTSIDE

The last time I posted I was getting back into the swing of things after getting 2 new knees.  For the record, that has continued to be a great improvement in my life.  My husband Tom and I increased our mileage on our bikes and though I never managed to become a great hill climber - with the addition of an electric wheel on one of my bikes, we joined a biking group and took many wonderful rides.

So what brings me back to writing here? I always thought I'd get back to writing when I  stopped working full time - but my life has taken a wholly unexpected turn. I was trying to figure out how to update my profile with my new information. (Still can't figure out how.)  I considered starting a whole new blog.  Anyway...

We had just moved into a different house, both of us were exhausted from the effort. That Tom was tired and sore was a surprise because he's in such great shape, but not too worrisome - after all we are in our mid-sixties.

A couple of weeks later, on the last day of my job, my husband called an ambulance and got himself to the ER.  I left my retirement party and by the time I got to the hospital, the blood draw they had done was already conclusive that he had leukemia - so acute that they were pretty stunned he'd been upright for the past few days.

 Long story short - he was transferred to a hospital in Oakland where they specialized in treating AML. He started chemo a couple of days later.   It was 22 days from the diagnosis to the day we let him go due to multiple organ failure.  The chemo had worked, but his body was not up to the side effects.

I will save many of the stories and information I learned for future posts. Pretty much living in the hospital for 3 weeks, gathering, dispersing and then gathering the family again,  working with the doctors, nurses and Palliative Care team was all consuming in addition to his needs and demands and frustrations.  In many ways I shut down my emotions and here I am three months later and only now just starting to get my feelings back.  And I will tell you - they are a real mixed bag.

I will be writing with some frequency to express my feelings, thoughts and experience on this most unexpected turn in my life.

MORE ON THE MOVE

Thanks for all the well wishes on our move.  I have been so exhausted and stressed  - but this is really one of those First World Problems and I know it!

We spent way too much time cleaning and grooming the place we were leaving, but the owners of that property were thrilled, so there is satisfaction in that.  They are planning to do all kinds of things to fix it up now that we have moved out.  Isn't that nice...

One of the features of our new home is a sparkling pool in the yard - really, it is a lovely backyard and while

we have never taken care of a pool before and are surprised by all the work involved, it makes us feel a bit like we once again have a water view property!  Plus it holds a great attraction for our daughter Ally who loves to swim and  is descending upon us with her 3 roommates to enjoy this weekend in the 'burbs.  We are having what is likely our last heat wave this weekend and they want to take advantage.

I am sitting in the dining room which is full of boxes and our art which we have not hung up.  Tom has set up my computer here until he has time to move all my stuff to his old laptop since I don't have a dedicated desk space anymore.  The main rooms are in pretty good order and I will make my way through the additional boxes when time allows.  This weekend I hope we can get out on the bikes, enjoy the college kids and get a little relaxation in.  Don't think it has all been drudgery - we went out and found a couple of great Happy Hour spots last Friday evening!

I really did spend months getting ready for this move.  I went through closets and cabinets and got rid of so much stuff. They were sick of seeing me at the Discovery Shop and every time there was one of those pick up postcards, I left a pile on the curb!   In the end it is still a whole lot of work and I still wonder how it is we have so much stuff!  We kept referring to the brilliant, classic George Carlin bit about Stuff - if you have never seen it, take the time to click the link!

ON THE MOVE

We finally decided that we are going to take a lease on my sister's house when she moves in September.

We have lived in Pleasanton, for the past 14 years, so moving to a larger city will be interesting.  I grew up in Walnut Creek when it was a sleepy little burb - it isn't like that anymore.  We are accustomed to our quiet little city, living walking distance from downtown.  We don't deal with much traffic or crowds and that will change dramatically when we move.  Plus we will miss our local places and people.

We have been spending a lot of time clearing out clutter: selling, tossing and donating stuff.  We took a truck full to the dump - including poor old Frosty who has seen better days!   Getting organized for the trauma of moving has taken the larger part of the summer.

Isn't moving on that list of the most stressful things a human can do?  If not, it should be.... It is certainly stressful on my back, hard on my sleep and a challenge to our marriage!

The movers arrive 9/20 - more later from our new abode.

FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.) Went to get the canvas umbrella and lounge chair out of storage just in time to hear the news that it is going to rain AGAIN on Sunday. Geez. If I hear one word about drought this summer I am going to scream.

2.) On the other hand it smells like heaven in my backyard, the early blooming jasmine is going crazy and the lemon tree is blossoming. The wisteria has faded, but the later blooming star jasmine is getting ready to pop in a couple of weeks.

3.) We are signing our last lease on this house. I will really miss the little back yard. It is the perfect size and setting. However, I will not miss the trains going by day and night.

4. ) Tom and I need to get focused on where we are going to move next summer. We had always talked about the beach, but it is unrealistic at this time both for work and financial reasons. I have refused to move to a nearby town he likes (I don't see the charm.) So we need to start visiting other towns and find an area we both like. Personally, I like the town we live in now...the only thing missing is water. I miss living by water.

5.) My sister came over and I tried on clothes I have been amassing for our trip to Philadelphia. Some are new and some are old things I fit into again. She helped me decide on outfits and has ordered me to go to her house to get accessories. Apparently she has a lot of them and I (a) need them and (b) am woefully lacking.

6.) The 10 day forecast for Philadelphia features thurderstorms. In the 260 year history of the school the graduation ceremony has never had to be moved from the outdoor venue due to weather. Here's hoping this is NOT the history making year...