ONE YEAR SINCE WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY

A year ago today I was in Mexicali, Mexico.  I was spending the night in a hotel after finishing some tests and interviews with the Bariatric surgeons at the Hospital Almater.  I was told it was okay to have whatever I liked for dinner, which was pretty cool after a month of significant diet restrictions; the last week being a liquid diet!  Little did I know that the small amount I was able to eat in the nice restaurant was a preview of my dietary future!

In the morning I was picked up and taken to the hospital, got settled in my very nice private room by the attentive staff and shortly went off into surgery.  I had little pain when I woke and got up to walk the halls later that evening.  I was well taken care of for the additional 5 days I was there and would recommend the experience to anyone considering the self pay option for weight loss surgery. It cost a fraction of the cost in the US and I had excellent care.

I have been writing pretty regularly about my weight loss and post surgical experiences on my other blog.  It's just such a milestone for me that I want to cross over and share here, too.  It has not been easy, but it has been easier than remaining morbidly obese, which is where I had been stuck for many years.

These are my before and after photos:

MORE BIKE RIDING AND SHOPPING

Last weekend Tom and I went on our longest bike ride so far - 33 miles.  We were back on the Iron Horse Trail for most of it, but rode from out from our house to the trail on the streets.  I am getting much more comfortable with riding with cars.


Killer Tree Balls of Death

At a couple of points Tom had me riding in front of him because I was wearing dark colors and he felt he was more visible in traffic.  He reminded me that the lead rider is supposed to point out road hazards.  So I was pointing out the sights - like poppies, graffiti and dachshunds in addition to potholes and "killer tree balls" which, fortunately are falling in fewer numbers in the past weeks (hit those things with your bike tire and be prepared for a fall.)

Then I got a call Saturday afternoon about a job I applied for.  Had a nice phone interview and was scheduled for an interview - hurrah.  So, of course, I had to go shopping for an interview outfit. I headed over to JCP, coupon in hand.




Aren't these cute?



I told Tom I would only be out a short while.  I got there and had pulled about 10 things to try on from the plus size department and they were all too big.  So I had to start over, figure out where to go and start pulling things to try on all over again. 

Tom thought this was hilarious when I explained why it took so long.  I know I am much smaller but I guess I am still plus size in my mind. I actually bought a pair of pants in a size 14!  Strangely enough, another similar pair by the same designer fit me in size 16.  So I really had to try 2 sizes of everything and made several trips in and out of the dressing rooms. 



Sheer with a Cami underneath - goes with 2 pairs of pants I own.

 

I managed to buy 5 tops and 3 bottoms for about $125.00 - all of them in the Liz Claiborne department.  I wore a lot of her clothes back in my college days - just love that the designer who has taken over the line, Isaac Mizrahi, is still doing such great, colorful and classic clothes.

Now I just have to figure out which outfit to wear for my interview today!

PS - The interveiw went really well - I should hear by Friday...

WEEKEND BIKE RIDE



Shadow Cliffs Regional Park

 This weekend we rode our bikes to Livermore - the next town over.  We are connected by a busy 4 lane road which has recently been done up with new landscaping, a barrier between the cars and the newly paved trail and the removal of all the overhead power lines.  

It could be a lovely ride if not for the very loud and constant traffic.  The new trail covers about 5 miles and is nicely done; there are much better views of the Regional Park which we pass by at the start of the ride and eventually when the landscaping matures, the gravel works on the other side of the road will be better obscured.  Some years from now the gravel works will be expired and the plan is for all of the pits remaining to be converted by the regional parks system into a "chain of lakes" park.  One of the original pits is already part of the park and a popular fishing spot due to frequent stocking. There are some nice hiking trails and the park is used by the local high schools for their cross country meets. In summer months it's also a popular swimming beach and picnicking location - so seeing it expanded would be a huge plus for the area.



Downtown Livermore

 Once in downtown Livermore we stopped at Tom's favorite spot, Panama Red's.  We had a drink and sat outside to people watch.  We are having a stormy week - or at least the threat of storms, so not too many people were out.  We rode back into the wind with obvious rain ahead of us over the foothills, but we lucked out and the rain moved west. 

We covered about 18 miles and worked on a 10 mph pace in preparation for our bike event next month.  I did fine and even better - I wore my new bike capris and jersey for the first time!

SUNDAY BIKE RIDE

This is becoming a regular feature - the weekend bike ride.  We are so lucky to have temperatures in the high 60's (well, at least by noon.  My hands were freezing at 9 and I was glad to have longish sleeves and a windbreaker.)

Today we rode from Pleasanton to Dublin to the local REI store.  About 10 miles round trip. There was a sale and we had our dividend to spend and Tom has been eager to get me into proper "technical" gear. Again I was thrilled to find that I could fit into the XL size.  (In advance of our trip, I checked out the sizing chart - REI was a bit generous on the measurements given for the XL size.)  The pants were very snug, but they snapped closed and I can bend and move in them.  Since this stuff is pretty expensive, better to have room to shrink than have to buy new in a few months.

I got a pair of bike pants - not the tight kind you see on most people.  These are a loose, casual capri style.  Also a new windbreaker that is light as a feather and two shirts.  One which was drastically reduced from the running department.  It has long sleeves which I can shorten to 3/4 length and one real biking jersey from the men's department. 


Is it me?

 The women's shirts have such short sleeves that I shied away from them.  The weight loss has left a lot of loose skin and my arms need to be covered - not a pretty sight.

I also needed a helmet.  The interior padding of my old one had deteriorated and just could not be fixed.  I am really happy with my new one as it has lots of vents and is very cool on my head - cool as in air can circulate.  Not cool like this one I tried on...

We had a nice ride through city streets and along the Iron Horse Trail.  We stopped for a Mexican food brunch and sat on the patio before we rode home. 

SATURDAY BIKE RIDE



We went on a short bike ride this Saturday - too many chores and other things going on for a long ride.  We looped around our local sports park and got very nostalgic for the many years were were in the stands for softball and baseball games.  There was a softball tournament going on and hearing the girls chanting from the dugouts was so fun. Then we rode over to the tennis park and watched the little kids having lessons.  A big day for remembering raising athletic kids in the 'burbs.



Tom took my photo because I am finally wearing the Penn Rowing shirt that I bought in 2006 when Maggie first went away to college and was on the rowing team.  Although it was sized a 2X - I never could fit into it until now that I am a size 16.  In fact, we also went to the sporting goods store and bought bike shorts for me (the ones with the strategically located padding) and I was thrilled to find that I fit in the medium size - though the pair I bought were a large and a little less expensive since my size keeps changing.

FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.)  Went to see Les Mis with Ally.  I openly wept during Anne Hathaway's performance of I Had a Dream. I have never seen a performance so moving and Oscar worthy in my life.

2.)  I joined a gym on Saturday, worked out that day and the next.  I am soooo sore and sooo happy that I am back to working out.

Working on getting up super early to stop at the gym on the way to work at least a couple of mornings. Excited to try the Barre class this Saturday and see what else is sore next week!

3.)  From Slate:

This month a team of Yale psychologists released a study indicating that male jurors—but not female jurors—were more likely to hand a guilty verdict to obese women than to slender women. The researchers corralled a group of 471 pretend peers of varying body sizes and described to them a case of check fraud. They also presented them with one of four images—either a large guy, a lean guy, a large woman, or a lean woman—and identified the person in the photograph as the defendant. Participants rated the pretend-defendant’s guilt on a five-point scale. No fat bias emerged when the female pretend peers evaluated the female pretend defendants or when either men or women assessed the guilt of the men. But when the male pretend peers pronounced judgment on the female pretend defendants, BMI prejudice reared up. Jesus wept. The justice system and our basic faith in male decency took another hit.

The article goes on with more depressing "observations" from the skinny guys about the fat women...sigh. And the comments - deep, deep sigh.

4.)  About a year ago I tried to take some clothes to a local consignment shop and got shot down rather rudely.  Now that I have lost about 70 pounds - I have piles and piles of clothing I need to pass on.  I started to bag it all up to donate - but man do I need clothes that fit.  So I pulled out the best I had and am taking another shot at consignment.  Maybe this time the person reviewing them won't be so designer label conscious. 

NEW STUDY ON OBESITY "COSTS"

Have you read he latest study on the "costs" of obesity? There are many interesting statistics which have been pulled together from a number of other studies and put into a report by George Washington University researchers. Most of it we have heard over and over about the health care costs being higher and work productivity being lower. This report even adds in the cost of clothing and gas - guess what? Higher.


One thing that makes me mad is that they report that wages for overweight women are lower than wages for overweight men. Men are not penalized for their weight in the workplace, at least when it comes to salary, but women are. Dig deeper in the study and you see that you are less likely to even be hired if you are overweight and white. The highest number of overweight women working are African American.

They do not examine the attitudes behind the lower salary and hiring decisions. I am sure they want it everyone to think it is all about the numbers. But it is well known that working mothers miss more days of work than working fathers because that is how families traditionally handle sick children. If the woman happens to be overweight - she is counted for this as being related to "obesity." Thus overweight women have higher absenteeism. These studies don't scratch the statistic to find the reality underneath and that bothers me.

In the study they suggest more research needs to be done on the reason health care costs are lower for obese African American women. They also admit that more needs to be done to break out the gender related medical costs. You think? Women, by virtue of our biology have higher medical costs, what with child birth and all. Tossing all of that together and calling it obesity related is very misleading and self serving.

Just as misleading is assuming that every medical intervention has to do directly with one's weight. My skinny sister has sleep apnea and so do I, but I am sure mine is "related to my obesity" in some statistic somewhere.

I know I am pretty sensitive on this subject. I am very healthy. I missed one day of work for sickness in five years. My health issues do not relate solely to my weight. (ie: I know that my knees will be happier when I lose more but my bad knees are genetic and I am in my mid 50's.)   I do not have heart disease, diabetes or high blood pressure.

I am tired of feeling like I am the scum of the earth, the cause of our societal problems and that I deserve all the trouble I had getting a job because I am fat. I am tired of being a scapegoat along with the smokers, welfare cheats and  illegal immigrants. Even the bankers are treated more nicely...

FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.)  My son is an old hand at leading summer camps, but this year is different.  In the past he has worked with teens, now each week he has a different age group.  The week he had 4-6 year-olds he was really out of his element.  He commented on how fun they were, how open and excited they were about everything.  The only problem was that there was this one kid who cried when his mom left in the morning.  It was always a scene.

I told him that was pretty common for that age group.  He just grumbles about what a pain this kid is.  I said "Zac, just remember the next time you have one of those kids... YOU were that kid."

2.)  After all the worry and gathering of statements from neighbors and preparation for the hearing about Hilda's barking citation; the man who complained got up and said it was all much better now and please drop the fine.  I still had to get up and give my spiel, which I edited down considerably and it all ended with the Judge commending me for our efforts and the City Attorney recommending the fine be dropped and smiles all around.

3.)  I have been helping my youngest sister, Polly, with a couple of her recent home staging jobs.  She is an interior designer, but with the economic downturn, she has been getting calls for these jobs to prepare homes for sale, rather than for homeowners looking to spend a bunch of money decorating.  We have enjoyed working together and she has proposed our starting a business together.  I am researching the possibilities.  Tom wants me to get a job with benefits, though, so he is not happy with the idea.

So my dilemma is whether to pursue this idea without his "blessing" or just keep plugging away at the job market that doesn't seem to want me...

4.)  On the weight loss and fitness side.  I crossed my legs this morning.  Just like that.  Sat down with my cup of tea, put on the Today show and crossed my right leg over my left.  Please realize that I have not been able to do that in YEARS.  When you have big thighs and a big tummy, you cannot do that.  I didn't even realize I could do it, and I did it!

WOMEN, FOOD, GOD AND SELF HATRED

I have been reading and hearing about the new Geneen Roth book which Oprah and others are so excited about; Women Food and God. I have read Roth's books in the past and this seems to be a rehash of her themes, which resonates with some women, but not me. I am not a self loathing fat person.

When I was a slimmer, young woman I wished my thighs were not so big, but it didn't stop me from putting on a bikini and going to the beach. I have never been a skinny girl, at my lowest weight I was 130 pounds on 5'5". A solid, but hourglass shaped body. These days they would say I had "junk in my trunk" - and there have always been fans of that look. It didn't start with JLo.

So if you caught the Oprah show and heard them talking about how we have to be kind to ourselves and not shame ourselves - I agree. It's just that not all of us have that problem. No matter how obese I have gotten, I do not hate myself. Roth says:

"We somehow believe that if we hate ourselves enough, if we shame ourselves enough, we'll end up thin, happy, peaceful people. Somehow if I torture myself enough, I'll end up feeling great about myself and about my life, as if hatred leads to love and torture leads to contentment."

I just don't get that and I feel so sorry for people who do feel that way. Having food be the thing you turn to for comfort, for solice, for nurturing or whatever the reason a person turns to food rather than the other more (or less) healthy things out there when stressed and unhappy; then feeling self-hatred for it must be such a miserable way to live.

Since the focus on obesity started up last year, I have felt much more self conscious of my weight. I am much more aware of how judged I am for it. So apparently, the hatred comes from both sides.

I am glad that the book is helping some women find space for themselves in their lives. I hope it helps them be kind to themselves and to others. I hope they, like Oprah, find their answers in Roth's words. I know my food issues are not about self hatred, nor are they about spirituality or God.

I know I avoid feeling emotions by eating, I know where they come from and what triggers them. Knowing doesn't change anything. That is the frustration I have with these books. I spent years thinking if I could figure it all out it would be resolved - but it didn't resolve. The only thing that resolves it is the hard work of diet and exercise or healthy lifestyle or whatever you want to call it. Like a drug or alcohol addict, I will always have the urge, the overwhelming desire to eat the "wrong" things, to overeat when I don't like what I am feeling, to treat myself with food, to nibble all day.

That's what I know for sure.

THE PLAN FOR THE NEW YEAR

I have been thinking about the new year coming. I have made decisions - not resolutions, but decisions about how I will make changes. Change is the operative word in the country and for me.

I have started a new blog which can be reached from the sidebar - under the title Feeling Fine in 2009. I am currently laying out my plan and will post follow up entries of my progress - and, if necessary, failures.

If you want to join in - we will make it a group effort!