STRESS- THERE'S AN APP FOR THAT!

So this morning I totally broke my resolution for the new year and used the phrase "sure as hell" when speaking to an insurance company rep.  When she reacted by saying she preferred that I not use profanity I asked to speak with a grown up.  Yeah - not much of a love ninja today.

After I concluded my business (I am thinking after 30 years with my insurance carrier that it may be time to make a switch.) I recalled reading about this on the Scientific American website:

An almond-shaped structure in the center of the brain called the amygdala is a hub for emotional responses. When it’s in high gear, feelings tend to rule the neural roost, blocking the ability to rationally consider the best course of action. Ideally, we would all pause long enough for rational thought to take over—say, after someone cuts us off on the road or criticizes our efforts at work or at home. Some educators believe that such a skill should be taught to everyone at a very young age.


A curriculum called MindUP conceived by actor Goldie Hawn includes an activity called the "amygdala shake-up" designed to help children understand the need for this sort of patience. For this activity, a teacher creates a crude model of the amygdala from a soda bottle filled with water, sand and glitter. Then, in front of the class (or a single student), she turns over the bottle and shakes up its contents to show what happens when a person gets stressed or upset. Once the glitter and sand are mixed, she rights the bottle and waits for the sand and glitter to settle, explaining that the wait represents the time it takes the amygdala to calm down enough so that a person can make a good choice.

What an excellent thing to teach kids!  I like the glitter image, too.  It reminds me of that idea of "seeing red."

I also read this great post by a teacher who teaches mindfulness in her classroom.  She writes about the connection between the amygdala and bullying.

 I need to remember to take that deep breath first, BEFORE I react…instead of after when I am trying to calm myself down.

FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.) I enjoy wearing cotton dresses in the summer especially on hot days like we are having now.  The only issue is the undies.  My usual one cling in the area of my large bottom.  I have a couple of nylon ones which I wear when I wear dresses. (Remember wearing slips?)  Today I put on my dress but I realized the necessary undergarment was in the dryer.  I finished hair, make-up, shoes, jewelry and came downstairs for my yogurt and blueberries.

When I sat down to eat I realized I had never gone into the dryer for my undies. A moment of "should I just go to work without?" 

Not today.

2.) There was an article about whether anxiety causes women to age faster - which confirmed it is true.  I know when we were in the initial throes of our life changing struggles that I had all kinds of physical issues associated with stress.  Now I can legitimately blame my wrinkly face on all that, too.

Interesting that they only studied women.  Is pre-mature aging only an issue for women?




Marion Cuningham in her kitchen at home in Walnut Creek.

 3.) This is getting posted late because I read that the mother of one of my high school friends died this week so I was searching to see if I could find him to write him a note. My friend's mother was Marion Cunningham.  In the years after we graduated she became "Fannie Farmer" and an icon in the national food scene.

I knew my friend was different than any of the other kids in our rather large circle.  He was smart, sophisticated, sarcastic and guarded.

 I was only in his house one time and I remember my friend Chris and I going into the kitchen and loving it - funny how a feeling about a person can be felt in their special space.

It wasn't until many, many years later that I read in one of Ruth Reichl's memoirs some of the details of Marion's life - that she had been an alcoholic and agoraphobic during the years my friend was growing up.  Learning that explained a lot.  Marion, the year we graduated, broke free of her fears with the help of my friend,  and began a whole new life - I hope that my friend was able to take pleasure in that.  I wish him all the best at this sorrowful time.

A KIND COMPLIMENT

My life has been  more stressful than usual for the past couple of months.  I was coping well with it for a time, but following Christmas I found that I had slipped into bad old habits.  I was eating poorly and staying up late, not going to the gym regularly and sliding into another case of the blues.

I  wish that I could say that all my efforts to eat and live in a more healthy way have changed me, but these things run deep.  I realized today, though, that my coping mechanisms may fail me in some ways, but they serve their purpose in others.

One of the women I work with each weekend asked me today what my secret is.  She said I am always so positive and serene.  Was it spirituality, meditation?  I told her it was stuffing my feelings down with food.  She laughed.  It was a great compliment, though.  She kept saying how kind she thought I was.

We talked a bit about the fact that I have made an effort toward kindness.  I found cynicism creeping in years ago when we started having all our financial troubles and I chased it away with a conscious effort toward kindness.  It means so much to me that that my effort has shown through to someone.  When you are losing weight and people compliment the effort it feels good - I didn't know that a compliment about an emotional effort would feel even better.

STUDIES SHOW - MOMS REDUCE STRESS

A new study show AT&T was really on to something with their old 'Reach out and touch someone" ad campaign. A new study shows that simply talking to mom reduces stress levels for most kids, particularly for pre-teen girls.

Apparently women are all wired to produce the 'feel good' brain chemical oxytocin when we see babies, enjoy orgasm, breastfeed and go through labor. It is considered to play a key roll in bonding and in preparing a woman's brain for motherhood. This also gives us the "innate" knowledge of how to soothe children, and through soothing them from infancy, a reaction is created which can be triggered by our voice alone.

When put in a stressful situation and then allowed to interact with their mother on the phone or in person; the study showed the girl's stress hormone cortisol immediately decreased and then disappeared in 1/2 hour and oxytocin increased and lasted for an hour. In the girls who had no interaction with mom, there was no oxytocin released at all and the cortisol levels remained elevated for the duration of the test.

While the test was done with pre-teen girls, there is no reason to think that the results are not similarly helpful for kids of all ages. For instance, the study suggests that physical contact isn't necessary to comfort stressed-out teenagers who no longer welcome hugs from Mom as much as they used to. Just talking with your teens may have an effect on reducing the stress response, no matter how negatively they may react on the outside!

My college age kids call me all the time when they want to vent. They call me all the time about a lot of things. My sister is amazed how much they call, sometimes several times a day. She is certain her son will never call her.

The study suggests that our ability to cope with stress may be shaped by very early interactions with our mothers. From early infancy, the mother child relationship may help to strengthen and promote the development of the oxytocin system, which may have effects into later childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood on how we respond to stress. So if you have had a child who was difficult to sooth, for whatever reason, perhaps that bond would not be so well defined and the relationship not be helpful with stress.

This certainly makes me feel better in some respects. It doesn't suggest that you have to be saying the "right things" to have a positive effect. Certainly I have been known to say the wrong thing when I was trying to be helpful...that my motherly tone, love and affection may be enough to trigger the brain chemicals to save the day takes a lot of the heat off on my end of the stress level!

FAMILY GATHERINGS IN HARD TIMES

For many years after we five kids left home, we gathered in my parent's house for Thanksgiving. In the earliest years we came home from college or lived in easy driving distance and they were the only ones with a house big enough for all of us to gather. Over time, we spread out to other states and cities and the holiday gatherings varied in size and make-up depending on who traveled, had babies or new spouses.

After they retired and settled down (first in Tahoe and now in Palm Springs) my parents planned trips around holidays and family events and went back and forth between the Bay Area and Idaho.

After all these years we kind of have this down. Whoever is hosting does the turkey and we split up all the other dishes and bring wine and champagne. Since we have done this so often, we pretty much know who likes to do what, which foods go over well and that Polly likes to make the dessert. Dad gets concerned over the champagne consumption, but hey! Dinner is always served - eventually.

But this year something went wrong.

Dad is mad and won't come.

I am not certain of all the details; he and my sister got upset and she reacted by saying she was too stressed out. I didn't know she was being put on the spot or I would have stepped in, but the bottom line was she couldn't say what he wanted or needed to hear and he couldn't let it go.

This year is different in other ways, too. Polly is an interior designer and work has dried up. Her husband weathered countless lay-offs at Schwab, but not the last one. He is 48 in an industry that likes youth. They are worried about losing their house. They have 3 girls in elementary school.

We already lost our house, we know how hard that is. We have 2 kids in college. I have not had a job since January and have only gotten 2 calls for interviews since then. I am working with my husband to do what I can to help bring in clients to his practice. Each month we hold our breath that nothing big breaks or goes wrong.

My other sister and her husband are doing fine financially. She has taken on the care of his father who appears to be suffering from dementia. She spends hours every week taking him to appointments, shopping for him, paying his bills, doing his banking and making his meals. He is combative and unkind to her. She also has 2 kids and a job.

The stress is massive.

I am not sure why I am writing about this. I thought I might explore why my dad is so touchy and is it a by product of age. Or maybe to discuss how hard it is to get everyone together these days - we have made life pretty complicated with all our activities and our stuff.

But it looks like I am really saying - life is difficult for a lot of people right now. People have a lot of stresses and problems and maybe give someone a break if they say something you don't like. They might be touchy or anxious. You may not know what they are going through. So take a moment. Take a breath. And be kind.

We can all use some kindness.

POTUS - THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD

I was watching the Today Show this morning and there was an interview with Levi Johnston, the Palin baby-daddy. During the period after the Presidential campaign he lived with the Palin family and reported that Sarah Palin was changed by the experience. She was less outgoing, quieter.

She also began to complain about how stressful her job as Governor was. How hard it was. And wouldn't it be nice to take some of the offers and money and "just run with it." I guess I can understand that. Easy money has always been an American Dream.

The part that scares and mystifies me is that 7 out of 10 Republicans would still vote for her.

She wants an easier way to make money. She doesn't want stress.

She just wants to be President of the United States.

LESS STRESS

I recently posted about missing my estrogen after watching an Oprah show which described many feelings I was having as they relate to menopause. As Nan suggested in her comment, in reality, there are many reasons a woman of my age may have these feelings.

I will post in the future about what has been going on - but after just two days of leaving my job, I feel much better, lighter, happier. I really think I was experiencing more stress than I realized. It's one of those "frog in the pot" things. When the water slowly comes to a boil, the frog never notices he is being cooked.

Stress can affect us emotionally, physically and even shape behavior. I have been experiencing sleep disturbances, fatigue, overeating and mood changes which were more dramatic than I have experienced since my kids were very young. Back then, when I would be having a particularly bad PMS month, I would sometimes find myself in a tirade at my kids. I would realize I was reacting way out of proportion of whatever was going on. I could stop myself and step back and regroup.

When I lost control of myself at work one afternoon, I see now that it was a collision of stress and panic - something completely out of the norm for me. Unfortunately, my audience was not as forgiving as my children were back in the day. I could joke with them about the appearance of "crazy mommy" and we would go forward. No so with my co-worker.

I have taken myself to the gym and had some good work outs, my blood pressure is actually fairly low compared to previous readings. I believe that these things are helping me to move into my new unemployed status in better shape than I have been in a long time.