4 days ago
Friday, March 4, 2011
MRS. BRIGHTSIDE IS OUT
I am having trouble with my bright side. I read a post by Jenn on Juggling Life today and I couldn't summon up a sincere positive thought to use in my comment. I didn't want to be negative so I didn't comment at all.
I grew up with a salesman, my dad. He is a big believer in the value of a positive attitude and I took his outlook to heart. I developed into one to look to the bright side of things. It is part of my very nature to see the opportunities in problems and to "spin" things in a positive direction.
But - and you know there was a but coming - lately I have been in a funk. Jenn wrote about having to adjust her dreams and pursue other job opportunities in light of her husband's recent job loss and the budget crisis in education making her dream to teach less realistic. She has the same gusto and "make lemons onto lemonade" attitude I had back in 2002.
Without rehashing all the things which took us to the point where he started his own law practice in our garage and I started looking for work after being a stay at home mom for 16 years; I will just say that the five years preceding that was a challenge to any positive attitude, yet I maintained. In the 9 years since we have continued to have ups and downs - many chronicled here, many I have just kept to myself.
It seems that just as things settle down, some other crisis intrudes to throw us off balance. And, quite frankly, my positive attitude has worn thin. I just want the damned glass to be full and stay that way. I need a break from squeezing the lemons and finding the windows that opened when the doors closed and I question what the hell I did in a past life to deserve what has been going on.
I know a positive approach makes a big difference and I don't like how I am feeling right now. So that is my pity party for today. I'll find my equilibrium again and the bright side will be clear.