WITHOUT END?

 By my count we are on day 25 of unsafe smoke filled air here - we did have almost 3 days when the wind blew in from the East sending it all back toward the coastal states -  and then it stopped.  All day it looks foggy outside. And now the inside of my house is almost as toxic as outside.  My eyes burn and my throat is sore and everything smells of wood smoke. 

A new friend and I had planned two outings - both cancelled.   One event was a walking tour of outdoor murals around town.  Masks and social distancing and a small group. I was really looking forward to that.  Dinner with my son and daughter in law and a masked pedicure are the only actual human interactions I have had in 10 days.  Though it could be worse, an old friend still can't see her husband who has been hospitalized for 3 weeks (not Covid.)

Then the Rump and his team decided to come to town and hold a campaign rally.  Reno authorities said no - it was against the state and national Covid rules.  So they changed the event to a "protest" and went to a more rural and red county and held their "protest."  About 5000 unmasked folks crammed together in roped off areas for hours - now they've come home and I expect will super spread the virus here and ruin our good efforts to get our numbers down.  The college kids have done really well - our numbers have been trending down a bit since school started - and the governor was finally ready to allow bars to open.  But this event is sure to mess things up for us all.

I live really close to the University here, but I have not seen any political signs or the like, so I planned to just lay low. After the Woodward tapes came out, I changed my mind about getting a yard sign.

And a tee shirt. 

I have been watching more TV now that I can't spend time outdoors.  I have learned I have to be careful what I watch and when.  I have become very shaken by violence and even tension in programs and have bad dreams, especially if I watch at night.  I am also hyper emotional and find myself choked up and tearful even over the news and programs and events I have seen before.   Someone suggested this is all grief related and they may be right.  Can't exactly join a support group right now though, can I? 

So I spent much of this week organizing cabinets, moving things around in the basement and rearranging my pantry area.  I stuffed batting into my couch cushions to shore up the divots.  I cleaned. I made real dinners.  I baked keto cookies.

This morning when I woke up my house was dim and smoky.  I checked the air quality site and it was at the most dangerous level yet -  going outside was not advised. I slumped on my couch and I thought - how can I keep this world from squishing me?

UNEXPECTED SUMMER DAYS

 Last night I could see the stars again!  We had a cool wind blow through from the east and the smoke has cleared.  So wonderful to see the stars at night and our deep blue sky all day.  We have just this short break then the smoke is supposed to get to dangerous levels by the weekend.

In my last post - sorry for the dark mood - I failed to mention some nice things that have happened this summer.  I keep hearing how disappointed people are about all the summer festivals and events being cancelled.  But here in NV we have had some things opened back up for a while.  With strict guidelines restaurants (not bars) and most other businesses are open.  You can't try on clothes or sit at a bar and masks are required everywhere.  The good thing is that people here, for the most part, are following the rules.  

There are those stupid, selfish people out there pulling their mask down once inside - my DIL has had confrontations with them.  She is an oncology nurse and has already been exposed twice and had to quarantine and be tested.

My sister who calls herself walking co-morbidity was threatened by a man with a gun in the Spokane Washington Costco when she asked him not to stand so close since he wasn't wearing his mask.  She has barely gone out at all in 6 months and that is why.

Anyway - for those of us being vary careful but wanting some bits and pieces of normal life - Reno is doing okay. Week to week I stick to the same 3 or 4 shopping and walking locations and resist spreading my outings into too many uncharted spaces.  I did go to a craft store when I completed a needlepoint and wanted to finish it as a pillow.  I also went to Home Depot and a local nursery a number of times.  

But when the "Women of a Certain Age" social group I had joined right before the shut down resumed some activities, I jumped right in.  We keep outings to 6 people and stick to the same places that have hosted us for years.  We are known and therefore well looked after.  This group has had a lot to do with saving my sanity the last couple of months.  I made sure to exchange phone numbers with a couple of the people I felt might become friends and have gone on walks and even to a museum! 

The biggest, risk I have taken this summer was two trips to Idaho.  The first time I drove to visit my elderly parents.  They were going stir crazy in their tiny apartment in a seniors community and wanted a brief getaway.  They had reservations at a condo in a small resort town so I took them there for 3 days.  They don't get around very easily, so we mostly ate in and drove around looking at the sights from the car.  People there were great about mask wearing so our 2 ventures to eat out felt safe.  We all quarantined before and after the trip - and made it through safely.

Then my sister up in northern Idaho invited me to visit - mountains, lake view,

boat and keeping company with my sister was just what I had hoped summers might be like in retirement. I agonized over how to get there - drive alone for 2 days each way, staying in motels and getting food on the road?  Or fly there and back?  Every single flight included plane changes - so in and out of multiple airports on planes with people from all over?   The worst part was most flights are routed through Las Vegas which is the Nevada cesspool of Corona. My sister easily agreed to get up at 3 am to get me to the airport for my return flight via Oakland.

I wore goggles and wiped everything in reach, wore my best mask, kept my distance from others, stayed in well ventilated areas and didn't purchase food during my layovers. I kept the overhead fan on and took a window seat - all per recommendations from medical experts.  It went fine - had a really nice visit, took walks, went out on the boat one day, hung around the house learning mah jong, started a mosaic tabletop, and talked and talked.  I know there are a lot of people being very judgy about others taking "unessential" trips.  Part of me agrees - on the other hand, we still have to live our lives and make the best decisions for our mental and physical health.  

Next year I hope to be invited back, make a real road trip if the drive, bring my bike and be able to treat my hosts to a nice dinner out.  Here's to a great summer of 2021!

SUMMER OF 2020 COMING TO AN END

 Outside it is 96 degrees  the sky is a smoky gray that will turn orange when the sun begins to set.  We've had only a few days in the past month that being outside didn't leave you with smoke smelling hair and stinging eyes.

Currently the fires are in California but we have had a few big ones here in Nevada. The afternoon winds I used to complain about are not happening much, so the air just sits still, hot and thick.  If it weren't for the fact that so many people are being displaced and losing everything I would complain bitterly about this new pile-on to the pain of 2020.  But I just look forward to the very early mornings when the air is cooler and if I walk through the thick greenery of the Arboretum, the smoke doesn't sting so much.

The calendar says Fall starts in 2 weeks. I am not sure I am ready to give up on summer - the months of construction noise, dust and inconvenience on our street had finally come to an end right about the time the wildfire smoke descended.  While I enjoyed the effort of planting things and making the yard a bit nicer, the heat, noise and smoke reduced the pleasure.

As a newly retired person and on my own for the first time in 37 years -  it's all a big adjustment.  Having Covid-19 crush most normal life and cancel all the researched, well planned and hope filled ideas I had in place to start my life in a new place left a lot of hours to fill and not much to fill them with.

My routine has been to go walking at 8 then do errands or just head home to water and tend to my plants and stuff.  I take my protein drink outside with my book and enjoy the outdoors before it gets too hot - usually by 10 or 11 I am inside again.  

I have discovered these online surveys that "pay" in gift cards.  They get redundant but it is something to fill time and knocks down my Amazon habit.  (I generally have 5 books lined up to read on my Kindle.)  I also subscribed to the NY Times online.  Sooo much content!  

My son figured out why I couldn't watch stuff on my streaming channels and fixed it so I have been watching more movies and documentaries and less news.  I managed to make it through the two "conventions" but my mood has gone decidedly downhill in their aftermath.  

Some days I see that my easygoing, do whatever I feel like doing life is something others envy - even under these limiting circumstances.   I have enjoyed many of my days meandering through the hours.  I am now thinking I need to do some work - on myself.  I need to figure out my new life, my purpose,  my roles.  

Not sure how to go about it, though.  Any suggestions?