WITHOUT END?

 By my count we are on day 25 of unsafe smoke filled air here - we did have almost 3 days when the wind blew in from the East sending it all back toward the coastal states -  and then it stopped.  All day it looks foggy outside. And now the inside of my house is almost as toxic as outside.  My eyes burn and my throat is sore and everything smells of wood smoke. 

A new friend and I had planned two outings - both cancelled.   One event was a walking tour of outdoor murals around town.  Masks and social distancing and a small group. I was really looking forward to that.  Dinner with my son and daughter in law and a masked pedicure are the only actual human interactions I have had in 10 days.  Though it could be worse, an old friend still can't see her husband who has been hospitalized for 3 weeks (not Covid.)

Then the Rump and his team decided to come to town and hold a campaign rally.  Reno authorities said no - it was against the state and national Covid rules.  So they changed the event to a "protest" and went to a more rural and red county and held their "protest."  About 5000 unmasked folks crammed together in roped off areas for hours - now they've come home and I expect will super spread the virus here and ruin our good efforts to get our numbers down.  The college kids have done really well - our numbers have been trending down a bit since school started - and the governor was finally ready to allow bars to open.  But this event is sure to mess things up for us all.

I live really close to the University here, but I have not seen any political signs or the like, so I planned to just lay low. After the Woodward tapes came out, I changed my mind about getting a yard sign.

And a tee shirt. 

I have been watching more TV now that I can't spend time outdoors.  I have learned I have to be careful what I watch and when.  I have become very shaken by violence and even tension in programs and have bad dreams, especially if I watch at night.  I am also hyper emotional and find myself choked up and tearful even over the news and programs and events I have seen before.   Someone suggested this is all grief related and they may be right.  Can't exactly join a support group right now though, can I? 

So I spent much of this week organizing cabinets, moving things around in the basement and rearranging my pantry area.  I stuffed batting into my couch cushions to shore up the divots.  I cleaned. I made real dinners.  I baked keto cookies.

This morning when I woke up my house was dim and smoky.  I checked the air quality site and it was at the most dangerous level yet -  going outside was not advised. I slumped on my couch and I thought - how can I keep this world from squishing me?