Why does my life feel so different?
I am more tired. Getting off work at 1 am does not mean I am asleep by 1:30. I need time to unwind. This does not mean that I sleep in every morning, however. I am not one for sleeping once the sun fills the room. I close the blinds, but somehow my body knows. Sleeping until 8:30-9 is the best I can do. And I can't nap. Tried all my adult life, just doesn't happen.
I am feeling selfish about my time. I don't want to spend all day cleaning and taking care of everyone when I know I have to go to work at 4:30. I want to have some energy for work. When I used to come home from work I was tired and did stuff for everyone, but then I could drag myself off to bed early. The other women who have the same job say they sleep all day and do pretty much nothing on workdays. Compared to them, I do a lot, including making dinner for my husband and daughter before I leave.
Work is hard. I still have a lot to learn to do my job well. I have made mistakes big and small. Sometimes I feel I am not up to the expectations of the company, sometimes I am bored and sit with nothing to do. Sometimes I really miss my old job. It is stressful and tiring, and I do realize that it will be easier in time, it already is.
All in all I know I just need to give myself some time to get into the groove and find the right balance of activity and rest. The work can be very fulfilling - helping people gives me a great deal of pleasure, the staff is caring and professional. After a year and a half of unemployment, these are not insurmountable problems!
