I had to look up what day of the week it was. The 22 days living in the hospital were marked by the rhythm of shift changes. The whiteboard laying out each day's status updates, planned meds, infusions and procedures. During the last few days spent in the ICU many of those personal connections were lost as treatment stopped and reacting to each new problem and symptom began. In the ICU they didn't know him when he arrived 18 days earlier, weak but still himself.
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| Tom at the top of the "Rocky Steps" in Philly. September 2019 |
And now here I am. Living alone in a little house in a new state with a fraction of my belongings collected over 37 years of living with my husband. Each day I am reminded of things planned
which will not happen. I open a cabinet and see his hat or the velveteen bag containing his ashes. I usually say "Hi Tommy" and go ahead with what I was doing. I have moved from pain to wistfulness.
I know for sure that I would be in a more positive mood today if not for the Covid 19 situation. The classes I signed up for were cancelled, the social groups I had hoped to join have delayed events until late June or July, the gym closed. The voids in my life I had hoped to start filling will have to wait a little longer.
I have the benefit of living in a small house with a large yard. I don't particularly like gardening but I find myself pulling weeds, planting herb gardens, fussing over tomato plants, spreading bark, watering, sweeping off the patio and porch.
There is a large park nearby with many walking paths and I have watched winter turn to spring as I traipse through it several times a week. I've stopped having the TV on all the time for company. I make lists of things to do and check them off as I complete them. I am baking low carb cookies and cinnamon bread, grilling salmon, eating the first cherries and apricots.
My son and his wife have shared their murder mystery boxes with me following nice meals in their home. I am in touch with all 3 children nearly every day and have Zoom gatherings with other family and former co-workers.
Alone together - isn't that the theme of the day?
I know for sure that I would be in a more positive mood today if not for the Covid 19 situation. The classes I signed up for were cancelled, the social groups I had hoped to join have delayed events until late June or July, the gym closed. The voids in my life I had hoped to start filling will have to wait a little longer.
I have the benefit of living in a small house with a large yard. I don't particularly like gardening but I find myself pulling weeds, planting herb gardens, fussing over tomato plants, spreading bark, watering, sweeping off the patio and porch.
There is a large park nearby with many walking paths and I have watched winter turn to spring as I traipse through it several times a week. I've stopped having the TV on all the time for company. I make lists of things to do and check them off as I complete them. I am baking low carb cookies and cinnamon bread, grilling salmon, eating the first cherries and apricots.
My son and his wife have shared their murder mystery boxes with me following nice meals in their home. I am in touch with all 3 children nearly every day and have Zoom gatherings with other family and former co-workers.
Alone together - isn't that the theme of the day?
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