SIX MONTHS A WIDOW

We all know time is a fickle thing - for me last month seemed to last forever, for you it might have passed in a blur. Six months ago just happened.  Six months ago seems like a lifetime past. Six months ago today was a Saturday.  It was Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day.  It was the day my husband died.

I had to look up what day of the week it was.  The 22 days living in the hospital were marked by the rhythm of shift changes.  The whiteboard laying out each day's status updates, planned meds, infusions and procedures. During the last few days spent in the ICU many of those personal connections were lost as treatment stopped and reacting to each new problem and symptom began.  In the ICU they didn't know him when he arrived 18 days earlier, weak but still himself.

Tom at the top of the "Rocky Steps" in Philly. September 2019

And now here I am.  Living alone in a little house in a new state with a fraction of my belongings collected over 37 years of living with my husband.  Each day I am reminded of things planned 

which will not happen. I open a cabinet and see his hat or the velveteen bag containing his ashes.  I usually say "Hi Tommy" and go ahead with what I was doing. I have moved from pain to wistfulness. 

I know for sure that I would be in a more positive mood today if not for the Covid 19 situation.  The classes I signed up for were cancelled, the social groups I had hoped to join have delayed events until late June or July, the gym closed.  The voids in my life I had hoped to start filling will have to wait a little longer.

I have the benefit of living in a small house with a large yard.  I don't particularly like gardening but I find myself pulling weeds, planting herb gardens, fussing over tomato plants, spreading  bark, watering, sweeping off the patio and porch.

There is a large park nearby with many walking paths and I have watched winter turn to spring as I traipse through it several times a week.  I've stopped having the TV on all the time for company.  I make lists of things to do and check them off as I complete them.  I am baking low carb cookies and cinnamon bread, grilling salmon, eating the first cherries and apricots.

My son and his wife have shared their murder mystery boxes with me following nice meals in their home.  I am in touch with all 3 children nearly every day and have Zoom gatherings with other family and former co-workers.

Alone together - isn't that the theme of the day?

SPRING SURPRISE

During a warm week in late March, I was doing some garden cleanup, weeding and such.  I was rummaging around my little potting bench looking for the nasturtium seeds I had harvested in the fall when I moved a plastic bag which had been shoved to the back of a shelf.  Out burst a little bird squawking at me.

 I was startled, then curious.  Why was there a little bird hiding in a plastic bag?
 Apparently it made a nice nesting spot because there were 5 jelly bean sized eggs in a tiny nest inside the bag.  I pushed it back as best I could to it's original spot and vowed to leave it alone.

Yeah, right.  I was peeking in every few days to see if the mommy bird had returned and then to see the progress.  I was alerted to the baby birds by the most adorable peeping comping from the bag - that time I did not peek.  But a week later I couldn't help myself and took a look at the ugly little things (Wiki calls them naked and helpless) squirming around in the nest.  Then I kept my vow for another week or so.

Last Sunday I was working in the yard and saw the mommy bird fly out and took another peek.  I startled one of the babies which caused it to hop out of the nest and flutter and hop into the nearby bushes.  I felt terrible.  Had I doomed this little bird which obviously could not fly back home?

I fretted all afternoon until I noticed that the adult birds were hopping and flying around in the bushes and soon there were several (I couldn't count how many) little birds hopping and trying to fly around in the bushes.  They were all peeping and the sound was just so joyful.  They all seem to have made their way back to the nest and I SWEAR I will not interfere again.

I determined that they are House Wrens and that they babies should be leaving the nest within the week, and they did.  So glad my curiosity didn't do any damage, though I miss them!

SUFFERING FOR THE FIRST TIME



The culprit...



For the past 5 days I have experienced something I never thought would happen to me.

Allergies.

I am suddenly beset by sneezing, sniffling, coughing, eyes watering, post nasal drip and general malaise.  I understand why they call people with allergies "sufferers."

And apparently it takes a week or so for the Claritin or whatever to make a dent in the symptoms.  I usually throw my windows open and deeply inhale the wonderful scents of my garden this time of year.  The jasmine and the wisteria are just bursting into bloom and here I am thinking of purchasing those particle filtering masks just to make it through the day!

I am taking odds on whether the allergy meds will take effect before whatever is blooming is done - one way or the other I know it will be over soon and I will be able to enjoy the Spring again.

POP GO THE PODS

Today was Groundhog Day and the little guy has decreed that Spring is on it's way.  Here in the SF bay area we are (sorry everyone else in the country) having really nice spring-like weather already.  Considering how cool our summer was and how rainy our fall was it is a nice break to have some sun and 65 degree weather.

I am not writing this to boast and make people feel bad about their weather and then move here (it's REALLY expensive and crowded already...) 

The reason I am writing about this is that all day I have been hearing the pop skitter, skitter of the wisteria pods in our backyard.  When the temperature climbs a bit and the sun warms those babies up, the burst open and send their seeds all over he patio.  The hard dry pods fall off, the vines, too.  It is a very noisy process!

I have been out sweeping up the pods and seeds daily.  What I should probably do is trim the vines back but I admit that I just love the flowers in the spring, even though the vines are really fast growing and invasive.

So today I was out sweeping and enjoying the sunny day.  Tomorrow I start something new...which I'll write about once things get going.

FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.) Went to get the canvas umbrella and lounge chair out of storage just in time to hear the news that it is going to rain AGAIN on Sunday. Geez. If I hear one word about drought this summer I am going to scream.

2.) On the other hand it smells like heaven in my backyard, the early blooming jasmine is going crazy and the lemon tree is blossoming. The wisteria has faded, but the later blooming star jasmine is getting ready to pop in a couple of weeks.

3.) We are signing our last lease on this house. I will really miss the little back yard. It is the perfect size and setting. However, I will not miss the trains going by day and night.

4. ) Tom and I need to get focused on where we are going to move next summer. We had always talked about the beach, but it is unrealistic at this time both for work and financial reasons. I have refused to move to a nearby town he likes (I don't see the charm.) So we need to start visiting other towns and find an area we both like. Personally, I like the town we live in now...the only thing missing is water. I miss living by water.

5.) My sister came over and I tried on clothes I have been amassing for our trip to Philadelphia. Some are new and some are old things I fit into again. She helped me decide on outfits and has ordered me to go to her house to get accessories. Apparently she has a lot of them and I (a) need them and (b) am woefully lacking.

6.) The 10 day forecast for Philadelphia features thurderstorms. In the 260 year history of the school the graduation ceremony has never had to be moved from the outdoor venue due to weather. Here's hoping this is NOT the history making year...

FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.) Have you considered joining the movement to Move Your Money? I did it and so have members of Congress, celebrities, students - in fact the movement has caused 10% of American adults to move their money from major financial institutions into local banks and credit unions. The organization is now encouraging business owners to move their money, too. Use the power of your bank account - no matter how large or small to do what regulators (and self regulation) can't do!

2.) I am so Gleeful that Glee is back!

3.) Ally won Third Place in the Ohlone College High School Theatre Festival in the category of Contemporary Dramatic Ensemble. She and her partner did a scene from "The Bad Seed." They were up against 28 other teams.

4.) I am still buying lottery tickets. In fact I bought one in Oregon last week! I have won a grand total of $11.00 so far. More than I have made from employment - so I guess it is working!

5.) Maggie has turned in her thesis, only has a couple more weeks of classes and graduates next month. She is already employed (though it may only be a short term job.) Whoo hoo!!

6.) The incentive I gave myself to get to the gym everyday this week was a trip to the garden center. I came home with tomatoes, strawberries, herbs, and some plants to fill out my pots. Guess I'll be in the garden this weekend!

IN THE GARDEN

The temperature zoomed from the 70's to the 90's today. I went out early to water and found...

A creature has eaten 3 or 4 tomatoes completely off the plant! They were the biggest ones, already turning red. It explains why the dog has been acting crazy every night, wanting to get out into the yard.

ON the other hand, the hydrangea is gorgeous!

REASONS I AM LOVING SPRING

The Bay Area is experiencing a large migration of Painted Lady Butterflies. The little orange butterflies have been fluttering past and stopping in gardens to dine for the past several days. They have come up from the Southern California desert on their way to the Pacific Northwest. Seeing them careen through the skies is magical fun.

Last Spring I bought a freesia plant to put on the dining room table. I have loved the scent of the flowers since I was introduced to them in my friend's bridal bouquet - what is it now, Chris? Twenty-five years ago? When the flowers were spent, I planted the bulbs in the garden with no real expectation that they would come up this year - but they did. I now have a very fragrant little vase of them on my desk.

Last weekend I planted my Sweet 100 cherry tomatoes and another kind I can't remember of salad tomatoes. I planted parsley, basil and tarragon, too. I threw around some nasturtium seeds which usually yield a few nice trailing plants that serve, in part as ground cover and also make the veggie garden look nice. I like to grow Roma tomatoes, but my space is too small in this yard, so those come from the Farmer's Market all summer.

This year I remembered to buy snail bait. Last year my first basil was eaten down to the stems overnight! I had planted marigolds around my tomatoes last year to keep the tomato worms at bay - but they came anyway. I usually just pick them off, but I may resort to chemicals this year.

I had my first whiff of wisteria this morning. We have a huge wisteria plant that entwines itself through anything and everything. Tom calls it a killer because it has taken over a neighboring tree. Last year made it's way to our upstairs deck and was trying to find a gap in the slider and into our room! I had to hack it back to the railings. Then it found the drainpipe and wound it's way up to the roof. I cut the tendrils, but it is wound so tight I haven't been able to pull it all off yet.

I think it is worth it just to smell those flowers in the spring. Heavenly.