FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.) Hearing about the death of Davy Jones this week brought up so many memories.  I was in 6th grade when The Monkees appeared on TV in a wacky show featuring their music.  All the girls picked out their favorites and made plans to meet and marry them.  Davy was the favorite but he was too short for me.  I liked Peter because he was so funny and Mike because he was tall and smart.  Isn't weird that I can still remember that?

2.)  Robert Reich is one of my heroes.  He is so smart and sensible and always seems to cut through to the meat of an issue.  He says that we shouldn't gloat too much about the wackadoos taking over the GOP because we are still a two party system and we will still see those people elected.

Yet even if they lose the presidency on Election Day they’re still likely to be in charge of at least one house of Congress as well as several state legislators and governorships. That’s a problem for the nation.


3.)  Finally saw The Descendents, George Clooney was amazing.  Have not seen The Artist, but I think George might have been robbed of his Oscar.  Netflix just delivered two more Oscar contenders:  Beginners and Midnight in Paris. 

4.)  Did you hear about the Republican, Tea Party member. Dallas-area doctor named Jacques Roy who was recently arrested and charged with bilking Medicare and Medicaid.  Dr. Roy is being charged with bilking the evil federal government for almost $375,000,000.  Wonder if his right wing friends still think President Obama's "mad power grab and Socialization of our private health care system" is worse than one man's own mad grab for over a third of a billion taxpayer dollars?

Maybe with "bigger government" allowing for more fraud investigation we could have caught this hypocrite sooner.

5.)  I keep wanting to write about Rush Limbaugh calling women who have sex "sluts."  Everyone keeps reacting to his language and typical twisted "logic" but I keep wondering - are those women having sex alone?  Are the men they are having sex with protecting them against an unwanted pregnancy?  Where are the men in these discussions? I mean besides calling women whores for having sex with them?  Oh, and telling them they are ruining the country with their out of wedlock babies or for having abortions?  The men are saying Viagra should be covered by insurance but wanting coverage for birth control makes us protitutes. 

Moms, wives, sisters, daughters - all of us are sluts, whores, protitutes.  What does that make them?

SLUT SHAMING

My son attended a wedding last week.  When he arrived a young man gave him and his male friends each a key and told them to hold on to it, that it would be used later in the wedding.  Zac and his friend, the groom,  have not been close for the past few years, in part because the fiance and her family are very religious.  His friend changed when he started attending her church and was converted to their particular Christian  sect.

He attended the wedding out of respect and to see other old friends.  He actually had a good time and was glad he went - except for a few things, one of them I will share.

During the speeches, a member of the bride's family got up and said that the groom had not been her first boyfriend, but now that she managed to get married he thinks all the guys who have keys to her apartment should come up and hand them over.  And apparently, they all did.  They got up and dropped the key they had been given into a jar placed in front of the bride at the family table.

Zac was dumbfounded at what he called the "slut shaming" aspect of this "joke."  I won't go into any of the other antics at this wedding because that is not really the point of this post.

I was taken by his term "slut shaming" and did a bit of research to see how this term is used.  I know that it was, in part the theme of a great movie called Easy A starring my favorite young actress, Emma Stone,  but what else is being said out there about this subject?

One very insightful blog called Dating While Feminist had this to say:

Slut-shaming, also known as slut-bashing, is the idea of shaming and/or attacking a woman or a girl for being sexual, having one or more sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings. Furthermore, it’s “about the implication that if a woman has sex that traditional society disapproves of, she should feel guilty and inferior.” It is damaging not only to the girls and women targeted, but to women in general an society as a whole. It should be noted that slut-shaming can occur even if the term “slut” itself is not used.

Policing women via what’s considered “normal” and “acceptable” boundaries for female sexuality is not limited to sex and sexual activity. For instance, women who wear “provocative clothing” (or just photographed while having breasts) are subjected to slut-shaming. As are women who are sexually aggressive and/or unabashedly lay claim to their own sexuality.

And when I look around me - there is so much of this going on.  I have mentioned the men who come into our bar always making remarks on the "cougars" going to the nightclub next door.  How dare those women dress up and go out looking to meet men - after all, they are not in their 20's any more which is pretty much the last time most men think women should be sexual.  Especially if they are mothers - moms are not supposed to be sexual. 

And while I am not one to ever think a woman is "asking for it" I admit that I am much more comfortable with my daughters dressing more conservatively - leaving more to the imagination, as I have said to them.  I have been uncomfortable in the presence of women dressed differently than I would.  I have considered their clothing "provocative" which is a certainly a judgement based on sexuality.  And really, so what?  If that is how she chooses to present herself, to celebrate her body why should she be judged for that?


In a Canadian court, a judge let a man off who raped a 25 year old woman because the victim and her rapist met "outside a bar under inviting circumstances."  The judge pointed out the victim and her friend were dressed in tube tops, no bras, and high heels and noted they were wearing plenty of makeup.  The judge called the man a "clumsy Don Juan" who may have misunderstood what the victim wanted.  (I am sure her struggles and crying out "no" while being raped off on the bushes was hard to decipher what with those high heels and all.)

The proliferation of gossip shows, fashion critiques, reality shows which pit women against women or set up competitions based on sex appeal have all contributed to a culture which is quick to judge others and very quick to persecute for sexuality.  This does not only apply to women.  Just think of what was done to Anthony Weiner and Bill Clinton. They certainly didn't get off with an old fashioned "boys will be boys."

That these "good Christian" folks thought it was humorous and appropriate to suggest that the bride was a slut at her wedding goes so far beyond the boundaries of good taste it sounds like something thought up by writers of tacky bromance movies.  Too bad in this case that the men attending the wedding didn't refuse to participate once they knew what the mysterious key was for.  Perhaps if they, no, if we all, could stop and think of how we would feel if these things are being directed to the women in our lives, we could all put a halt to this shameful practice.

FRIDAY FAST ONES

1.)  My mom is a lefty.  Because of this, I grew up a bit ambidextrous and mixed up.  I ironed with the board backward for years, I sew awkwardly in the wrong direction and I have always had to stop and think a moment when coming up with right or left.  It was a revelation to me when I learned righty tighty and lefty loosey just a few years ago.  It cleared up so much confusion for me! 

I've had my car with one of those electronic keys for about 5 years and only about a week ago did I realize that I don't have to look at the buttons on the key because righty locks it tight and lefty opens it loose!  My light bulb moments are getting mundane - but at least I still have them occasionally.


2.)  Thursday nights there is a big patio party with live music, multiple bars, fire pits, big screen TV and I don't know what all else at the restaurant next door to the hotel.  It draws a huge crowd every week - valet parking is necessary for the overflow parking.  The police are out in force at 10 when the music stops to pick off the drunks in their cars.  We get a lot of very tipsy people trying to come into our place for the nice bathrooms and sometimes to keep drinking after the party shuts down.

Apparently the crowd at this event is on the older side.  But I have to say - I am really tired of middle aged  men coming into our bar complaining or joking loudly about "all the cougars" next door. I find the term offensive and every one of the guys is just as old or older than any of the women I have seen coming and going.

Why do men feel entitled to younger women.  Why do they feel entitled to put down women of their age who are out there having a good time?  She we just be locked away after 35?  Am I taking this too personally?

3.)  I took Ally to see the Head & Neck doc today.  Her frequent sore throats, strep and mono have gotten to the point that she is insisting she wants her tonsils out.  The doc agreed that her tonsils were huge and it could be beneficial to have them out.

I have no problem with doing it.  I had tonsillitis repeatedly well into my 20's and never had mine out but would have liked to.  I can understand her misery and she is sick a lot.  The problem?  Her dad.  He is adamantly against any medical alterations to the body.  He didn't even like letting her get her ears pierced.

So my question is - do I go against him in this?  She will be 18 in a couple of months and can make the decision completely on her own - should we just wait?  Any input on teens getting tonsils removed?

MEN, SEX AND NEWS

In one of those interesting coincidences , a new study about female new anchors and their effect on men came out just as our local station has hired and his heavily promoting a new member of their news team.  Not an anchor, but very a very female member of the team.

The study by Indiana University researchers is one of those "I hope this wasn't funded with my tax dollars" studies.  It found that when the sexual attractiveness of female newscasters was played up, men watched, but retained less information than when a woman in plainer clothing without much makeup delivered the same news.  As they put it on the Death +Taxes website:  Men pay significantly more attention to attractive women, tuning in when they’re on TV, but they’re not actually retaining what they’re saying. They’re thinking about their boobies.

Christina Loren

I won't even go into the whole discussion about Fox "News" using this tactic and the phenomenon that is Sarah Palin.

I will say that we have been experiencing this in our home for the past couple of weeks.  The local NBC station has replaced the weather person with a woman named Christina Loren.  Her arrival has livenedd up our mornings.  Tom no longer lingers outside with his morning coffee and cigarette, he wants to check out Ms. Loren.  She is very vivacious and has what can only be described as a Barbie-like figure.  She dresses to emphasise it and the men at home camera just loves those profile shots.

Tom has joked that he keeps watching the weather over and over but can't seem to remember what the weather is going to be - as supported by the Indiana study.  Last week Ms. Loren was wearing a shirt with brass buttons.  Two of the brass buttons were, well, off center, maybe there were lapels or something, but the buttons were in mid-breast like big brass nipples.  Tom was amazed.  I said they were going to get complaints.  This week Ms. Loren is no longer wearing the wrap dresses with the ruffles and sweaters with oddly placed buttons.  This week Ms. Loren is wearing suits and plain shirts.

I guess they actually want men to remember what the weather is going to be.

CHANGE IS MOSTLY JUST CHANGE

I have been avoiding my favorite Raleys grocery store because they have been undergoing an obnoxious remodel. I can cope with things being in a different place each time I go and I enjoy taking to the staff about what's happening, but everything is so dirty and somehow I find that a negative when I am purchasing groceries.

Anyway, they are almost done and I am not happy. Please understand that I drive some distance to shop at this store. I like that it was clean and bright and had wide aisles that management didn't feel the need to block with little displays which I hate because I knocked one over once.

Again, anyway, they are almost done and it is dark and moody and the selection is smaller and the aisles are narrower in order to make room for things someone must have on a weekly basis like olive tasting bars and little tables scattered about so they can kick back and savor the grocery store ambiance. It's outfitted like a singles bar or something. I asked the checker if a man did the new design and she said yes and that he was pretty strange, and didn't appear to have ever shopped for a family.

The wine and liquor area is huge, spacious, the deli is twice the size and there is now a full on Peet's coffee. Lucky for us grocery shoppers, the bank they wanted to build in was canceled or we'd have to shop elsewhere for cereal.

Maybe I am cranky about it because I am getting older and broker and now I can not only not afford the new stuff at the store, I can't find it because it is so dark in there.